This is to inform you that a revised and improved Overtime and Conveyance Policy has been posted on our Intranet. As you all know, we're in a perpetual crisis. Everyone knows this - you know, your parents know, your spouses know (or is it spice?!?...anyway...), your children know (if you have kids at home who're just learning to talk, the first word they'll utter will probably be 'crisis' - do not be alarmed) - practically the whole city knows because our vans are zipping around in a tizzy. So, in order to encourage you to clock in extra hours, we revisited our OT and Con (short for conveyance - please don't get any ideas) Policy.
How you access this is: You log into Bee Mine, wait for 2 hours; click on HR Manual, wait for 2 hours; click on Policies, wait for 2 hours (please don't forget to work while you're doing all this waiting), click on Overtime and Conveyance Policy....and come back tomorrow and read it. Because you can only read it tomorrow, the policy has been summed up here briefly.
Overtime Policy
Remains unchanged. You'll be paid the same rate per hour that you've always been paid. This is in keeping with our motto: "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got."
Conveyance Policy
For overtime upto 4 hours: Use your own conveyance and we'll reimburse you - at actuals or lesser (whichever is lesser.)
For OT upto 8 hours: OT vans will be provided (please bring your own driver).
For OT upto 16 hours: OT ambulances will be provided (please carry your medical insurance papers on your person.)
For OT greater than 16 hours: In-house IV drips and soft pleasant music will be provided.
Other Floor Luxuries
For overtime upto 4 hours: A good OT system will be provided. At the end of 4 hours, security will call a rick for you if you're without wheels. If you have wheels, valet services will be provided (please ensure that your vehicle is insured.)
For OT upto 8 hours: A good OT system and fresh orange juice will be provided. Security will escort you into your van and strap you into your seat (new seat belts have been added in all vans.)
For OT upto 16 hours: A good OT system, fresh orange juice, and four 50-50 biscuits will be provided. Stretcher will be brought to your workstation and you'll be peeled from your chair and carried down on the stretcher into your OT ambulance. If you're embarrassed riding downstairs lying in the stretcher, you may sit up and crack jokes.
For OT greater than 16 hours: See under Conveyance Policy 'For OT greater than 16 hours.' In addition, one member of your family will be allowed on the floor to hold your hand and cry.
If any part of this is not clear, please write to us or come up and meet us and we'll fire you on the spot because, c'mon, if you can't understand something this simple, it's no wonder we're perpetually in a crisis....let's roll, folks!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
Employer Satisfaction Survey
You've all participated/will participate/are participating in the Employee Satisfaction Survey. This one's its counterpart - The Employer Satisfaction Survey. Afterall, unless we're satisfied, you can't be.
Dollops has agreed to join hands with us to conduct this exercise. Dollops, as you all know, is a 150-year-old icecream manufacturing company located in Alaska (that's the state Russia sold to America a century before any of you were born. Trust the wily Russians to get rid of a lot of ice and make a profit in the bargain....anyway, that's a different story). Dollops is located in Alaska because they don't need to buy freezers there - and they get Eskimo labour. The Eskimos still believe that the world runs on barter system.
Please take the time to complete this. Please be honest. Be critical. Everything is confidential (everybody will read everything, but no one will say anything, okay?) We're not vindictive (but we reserve the right to raise your projection to 1650 and if you don't hit that number, we reserve the right to give you a golden handshake and tell you to 'ged the hell outtta here' because, hey, c'mon, deep down we're still a Yankee joint and remember Texas is running the show now.
Every question has at least four options. No right or wrong answers. Pick the one that reflects your sentiments best.
1. Do you like HS?
A. Of course ! It's the only place to be.
B. Of course ! HS rocks.
C. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
D. So all together, let's hear it once more, "I LOVE HS"
2. Do you like the food?
A. Sure! It's top class.
B. Sure! It's 5-star.
C. Sure! It's top class and 5-star.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
3. Do you like the chairs?
A. Yes ! It makes me feel like a King sitting on his throne.
B. Yes. When I'm bored, I can spin around and go "owheeeee..."
C. I like blue chairs the best.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
4. Do you like your payslip?
A. Yes. I became a millionaire after coming here.
B. Yes. I love to be in the BPL category - it's not everyday that you get to be associated with a famous abbreviation.
C. NO. I'd like a 25 paisa raise.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
5. How often do you think you need a payhike?
A. Never.
B. Everytime Haley's comet whizzes past us.
C. This is a joke - HA HA- you may laugh.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
6. What about quality? Do you think we're doing enough to ensure no one is getting sued 10,000 miles away?
A. Of course ! We're afterall an ISI Agent...sorry, ISO Company.
B. 98% of us believe that 80% of the time 95% of our reports are 100% accurate.
C. You may juggle the above numbers as you please.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
7. What about quantity?
A. Yeah! What about it?
B. We sweep the board - gold, silver, and bronze.
C. Yes.
D. Very much.
E. Thank you.
You're done. Thank you for your time. We've covered everything we can think of here. If there's something we didn't think of, it's not worth thinking about, so you don't think about it either. But we're really an open-door, big-happy-family, all-are-welcome company, so in keeping with our democratic tradition, you may send us hate mail at out-of-office@goodbye.com
The last time Dollops was here, everyone cribbed about the selection process for everything - projects, promotions, rewards, punishments, who gets to be outriders for the Terry Fox run - EVERYTHING. We're happy to announce Dollops has found a solution, one that's startling in its simplicity. We're hanging this sign from an Irish pub on our front door: "This is our back door. Our front door is at the back." With this, all back door entries are now official. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
Dollops has agreed to join hands with us to conduct this exercise. Dollops, as you all know, is a 150-year-old icecream manufacturing company located in Alaska (that's the state Russia sold to America a century before any of you were born. Trust the wily Russians to get rid of a lot of ice and make a profit in the bargain....anyway, that's a different story). Dollops is located in Alaska because they don't need to buy freezers there - and they get Eskimo labour. The Eskimos still believe that the world runs on barter system.
Please take the time to complete this. Please be honest. Be critical. Everything is confidential (everybody will read everything, but no one will say anything, okay?) We're not vindictive (but we reserve the right to raise your projection to 1650 and if you don't hit that number, we reserve the right to give you a golden handshake and tell you to 'ged the hell outtta here' because, hey, c'mon, deep down we're still a Yankee joint and remember Texas is running the show now.
Every question has at least four options. No right or wrong answers. Pick the one that reflects your sentiments best.
1. Do you like HS?
A. Of course ! It's the only place to be.
B. Of course ! HS rocks.
C. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
D. So all together, let's hear it once more, "I LOVE HS"
2. Do you like the food?
A. Sure! It's top class.
B. Sure! It's 5-star.
C. Sure! It's top class and 5-star.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
3. Do you like the chairs?
A. Yes ! It makes me feel like a King sitting on his throne.
B. Yes. When I'm bored, I can spin around and go "owheeeee..."
C. I like blue chairs the best.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
4. Do you like your payslip?
A. Yes. I became a millionaire after coming here.
B. Yes. I love to be in the BPL category - it's not everyday that you get to be associated with a famous abbreviation.
C. NO. I'd like a 25 paisa raise.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
5. How often do you think you need a payhike?
A. Never.
B. Everytime Haley's comet whizzes past us.
C. This is a joke - HA HA- you may laugh.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
6. What about quality? Do you think we're doing enough to ensure no one is getting sued 10,000 miles away?
A. Of course ! We're afterall an ISI Agent...sorry, ISO Company.
B. 98% of us believe that 80% of the time 95% of our reports are 100% accurate.
C. You may juggle the above numbers as you please.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
7. What about quantity?
A. Yeah! What about it?
B. We sweep the board - gold, silver, and bronze.
C. Yes.
D. Very much.
E. Thank you.
You're done. Thank you for your time. We've covered everything we can think of here. If there's something we didn't think of, it's not worth thinking about, so you don't think about it either. But we're really an open-door, big-happy-family, all-are-welcome company, so in keeping with our democratic tradition, you may send us hate mail at out-of-office@goodbye.com
The last time Dollops was here, everyone cribbed about the selection process for everything - projects, promotions, rewards, punishments, who gets to be outriders for the Terry Fox run - EVERYTHING. We're happy to announce Dollops has found a solution, one that's startling in its simplicity. We're hanging this sign from an Irish pub on our front door: "This is our back door. Our front door is at the back." With this, all back door entries are now official. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Who Are You?
I'm not what you would call gadget-savvy (give me a Remington typewriter any day). Here's why: I've logged in with my password, terminator (really, that's my password) for as long as I can remember (and here's my user ID: Harry. Go on, make my day). My computer usually welcomes me with this message: "Good Morning Harry Terminator. Have you told your neighbour about our referral scheme ? If your neighbour joins us, we'll give you 30 paise extra for every line you post within the next 3-1/2 minutes !!!! Tell your neighbour now, Harry !!! TELL !!!" to which I would smile coyly and reply, "no, really, I can't take advantage of your generosity." And thus, life went on. Imagine my shock then, when one day I logged in as usual and my computer asked me "Who are you?" What a question ! How am I supposed to know !?! Those of you who know the answer to the question "Who Are You?", raise your legs.......There ! Not a single leg ! Some questions are best left unanswered.....or even unasked.
Anyway, after much cajoling and coaxing and threatening, I discovered that my computer wanted me to change my password......Oh ! Did I tell you my password is 'terminator' ? Sorry ! I changed it. It's now 'exterminator' (and you can still make my day because my user ID is still 'Arnold' - I haven't changed that). I also discovered that, like everything else, my computer too was made in China, and that terrified the living daylights out of me. The Chinese (in competition with the Japs) make phones that can take your picture, double up as a computer, sing songs for you, send messages to your neighbour who's sitting less than half a foot away, play games, and in some cases, even shoot you if you press the wrong buttons long enough. You can also make calls (if you have the time). I have one such phone....at home.....somewhere.....I'm saving money to buy a microscope to look for it. Anyway, that's why I'm not gadget-savvy. In fact, I'm petrified of anything that vaguely resembles buttons.
Addendum: The Japs will wait for the Chinese to come up with the inventions and then simply buy the company and patent the products and run around claiming it's theirs. (Unrelated to any of the above, an addendum literally means 'add' to the 'end'.....'ummm' - as in 'this is an after-thought').
Moral of Story: Learn Chinese. Your next TL will be Made in China.
Anyway, after much cajoling and coaxing and threatening, I discovered that my computer wanted me to change my password......Oh ! Did I tell you my password is 'terminator' ? Sorry ! I changed it. It's now 'exterminator' (and you can still make my day because my user ID is still 'Arnold' - I haven't changed that). I also discovered that, like everything else, my computer too was made in China, and that terrified the living daylights out of me. The Chinese (in competition with the Japs) make phones that can take your picture, double up as a computer, sing songs for you, send messages to your neighbour who's sitting less than half a foot away, play games, and in some cases, even shoot you if you press the wrong buttons long enough. You can also make calls (if you have the time). I have one such phone....at home.....somewhere.....I'm saving money to buy a microscope to look for it. Anyway, that's why I'm not gadget-savvy. In fact, I'm petrified of anything that vaguely resembles buttons.
Addendum: The Japs will wait for the Chinese to come up with the inventions and then simply buy the company and patent the products and run around claiming it's theirs. (Unrelated to any of the above, an addendum literally means 'add' to the 'end'.....'ummm' - as in 'this is an after-thought').
Moral of Story: Learn Chinese. Your next TL will be Made in China.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
"There's a Bomb on the Bus....."
I was bored. I looked at the clock - "1 more hour to go!!!" it screamed. I twiddled my thumbs idly, and for some inexplicable reason thought of Keanu Reeves. His immortal line from Speed jumped at me out of the blue and suddenly I had - what my 4-year-old nephew calls - "a great idea!"
I sent a message on the chat to our front desk - "There's a bomb on the bus" - I sat on my hands and waited - 5 minutes passed, nothing happened; 10 minutes, still nothing; 15 ...nada; I crept down the stairs slowly and peeked at the front desk. The receptionist was on the phone. I hid from view and watched. She hung up and turned to her monitor. She frowned, she rubbed her eyes, she looked around, she frowned harder...then, she shrugged and went back to her work.
I charged - "Didn't you get my message!?!?" I asked incredulously.
"Oh...you sent that..?" she asked unruffled.
"Yes!" I almost screamed and waited expectantly...she continued working. "There's a bomb on the bus!!!!" I gesticulated wildly.
"What bus?" she asked looking up and leaning back in her chair.
"How should I know!?!?!?" my eyes were huge and incredulous with disbelief.
She shrugged again and gave me a 'where-did-you-escape-from?' look and went back to work.
"Aren't you going to do something !?!?!" my voice rose to a shrill pitch.
"What do you want me to do?" she asked without looking up.
"Well...how about looking up at me for a start!!!! Aren't you worried? People are going to die!!!"
"People die all the time..." she said. I couldn't dispute THAT.
"Do something!!!" I commanded.
"Well....I can sing pretty well..." she offered sarcastically.
"Send everyone to the lunchroom!!!" I suggested ignoring her last remark.
"Why? Because there's a bomb on a bus somewhere in the city?" she asked
"What bus?!?!?" I yelled.
"How should I know?" she shot back..."You're the one that sent the message."
"Is that what I said!?!? No, no, I meant there's a bomb in this building!!!!" I was hysterical.
"Oh..?" she said.
'Oh' what!?!?! ...evacuate everyone then...send a message and ask everyone to go to the lunchroom. NOW!!!" I barked.
"Go to the lunchroom" she said yawning
"Just me!?! What will I do there all by myself!?!? Tell EVERYONE!!"
"I can assure you no one will want to go to the lunchroom now" she said.
"Tell them what I told you!!" I was talking very loudly.
"That there's a bomb on the bus?" she asked.
"No, no, that there's a bomb in the lunchroom! Then, everybody WILL go!!!" I screamed.
She looked at her watch and got up. "Look, you'll miss your van, and I'll miss mine...why don't you go home and take your tablets and get some sleep?" she was already on her way out.
"Oh...ah...yes, my van..." I mumbled and followed her tamely.
As I passed the security officer's cabin, I saw him glued to the TV. I peered in - Maria Sharapova was on center court in her night clothes under the blazing Aussie sun.
"It's hot there, isn't it!" I remarked.
"You bet" the security officer grinned.
"Psst..." I said, gesturing for him to come closer. He leaned out.
"There's a bomb on center court" I whispered.
"I know" he said....and winked.
I sent a message on the chat to our front desk - "There's a bomb on the bus" - I sat on my hands and waited - 5 minutes passed, nothing happened; 10 minutes, still nothing; 15 ...nada; I crept down the stairs slowly and peeked at the front desk. The receptionist was on the phone. I hid from view and watched. She hung up and turned to her monitor. She frowned, she rubbed her eyes, she looked around, she frowned harder...then, she shrugged and went back to her work.
I charged - "Didn't you get my message!?!?" I asked incredulously.
"Oh...you sent that..?" she asked unruffled.
"Yes!" I almost screamed and waited expectantly...she continued working. "There's a bomb on the bus!!!!" I gesticulated wildly.
"What bus?" she asked looking up and leaning back in her chair.
"How should I know!?!?!?" my eyes were huge and incredulous with disbelief.
She shrugged again and gave me a 'where-did-you-escape-from?' look and went back to work.
"Aren't you going to do something !?!?!" my voice rose to a shrill pitch.
"What do you want me to do?" she asked without looking up.
"Well...how about looking up at me for a start!!!! Aren't you worried? People are going to die!!!"
"People die all the time..." she said. I couldn't dispute THAT.
"Do something!!!" I commanded.
"Well....I can sing pretty well..." she offered sarcastically.
"Send everyone to the lunchroom!!!" I suggested ignoring her last remark.
"Why? Because there's a bomb on a bus somewhere in the city?" she asked
"What bus?!?!?" I yelled.
"How should I know?" she shot back..."You're the one that sent the message."
"Is that what I said!?!? No, no, I meant there's a bomb in this building!!!!" I was hysterical.
"Oh..?" she said.
'Oh' what!?!?! ...evacuate everyone then...send a message and ask everyone to go to the lunchroom. NOW!!!" I barked.
"Go to the lunchroom" she said yawning
"Just me!?! What will I do there all by myself!?!? Tell EVERYONE!!"
"I can assure you no one will want to go to the lunchroom now" she said.
"Tell them what I told you!!" I was talking very loudly.
"That there's a bomb on the bus?" she asked.
"No, no, that there's a bomb in the lunchroom! Then, everybody WILL go!!!" I screamed.
She looked at her watch and got up. "Look, you'll miss your van, and I'll miss mine...why don't you go home and take your tablets and get some sleep?" she was already on her way out.
"Oh...ah...yes, my van..." I mumbled and followed her tamely.
As I passed the security officer's cabin, I saw him glued to the TV. I peered in - Maria Sharapova was on center court in her night clothes under the blazing Aussie sun.
"It's hot there, isn't it!" I remarked.
"You bet" the security officer grinned.
"Psst..." I said, gesturing for him to come closer. He leaned out.
"There's a bomb on center court" I whispered.
"I know" he said....and winked.
Excuse Me, Come Again...?
Look, I'm actually here to confess: My hearing's not so good anymore, and I sometimes hear and type pretty weird things in the my reports. I'm not getting any younger and with all my preoccupations, my thoughts sometimes influence what I hear. Is that a sin ? Like this other day, the day they took my snap for the ID (you know, those passport photos where they manage to make you look nothing like yourself ? I can actually use mine to scare off potential muggers) - I was wondering if I should've smiled into the camera to improve my face value and so when the doctor dictated "the patient has mild CVA tenderness," I heard and typed "the patient smiled CVA tenderness." Ok, I admit that's a bad one, but the proofer marked me a weighted comprehension for it! I was SO hurt and humiliated.
But that's nothing compared to the trauma my friend went through. Now, you judge this one for yourself: The doctor apparently said "The patient is a resident of Texas. Mental Illnesses: None ." which my friend heard and typed as "The patient is a resident of Texas Mental Illness Home ." Big deal ! I mean, doesn't that amount to almost the same thing ? (If you answered No to that, how do you account for George Dubya Bush who was born with his own punchline "I'm living proof God has a sense of humor"? Where did you think Dubya was from?) The proofer charged the MT a weighted comprehension for this one ! My friend was enraged. I was outraged. You only charge a weighted comprehension when what is typed changes the intended meaning of what the doctor said..... which this clearly doesn't do .
Do you agree with me that living in Bangalore is expensive? (for that matter, dying in Bangalore is even more expensive, but let's not get morbid here, ok?) and that if you have to tank up four times a month, you have to rob a bank on your way to the bunk? (don't worry, this is leading somewhere). Now can you, with a clear conscience, blame me if I get reealllly excited when I hear the phrase "free of cost" ANYWHERE? Even if it's in a medical report where it has no business to be? This is what I heard: "Use the nebulizer and albuterol with lidocaine free of cost ." I was mighty thrilled ! I felt like jumping up and down and screaming "I want that disease, I want that disease !" Imagine, getting free medicines ! I suppressed my juvenile delinquent tendencies and simply typed exactly what I'd heard: "Use the nebulizer and albuterol with lidocaine free of cost ." The proofer wasn't impressed. And what did I get? Surprise, surprise - a weighted comprehension! Turns out the doctor was saying "Use the nebulizer and albuterol with lidocaine for your cough ." How boring. And you can keep your cough, thank you very much. Who wants a stupid cough, anyway?
Tell me one thing. If doctors want quality reports, shouldn't they be giving us quality dictations? From experience, I can tell you dictating doctors generally fall into three categories: The ones that have marbles in their mouths, the ones that have frogs in their throats, and the ones that have ants in their pants. Dr. Marbles-in-Mouth was flying at supersonic speed through his lab values: "chloride103 comebackside23 BUN12..." I was asleep at the wheel, so to speak, and this one really woke me up. I took my foot off the gas pedal and reversed: "chloride 103, come backside 23 , BUN 12..." carbon dioxide! you lovable gas! you almost got me into serious trouble (but I caught this one, I didn't type it. Obviously it's easy to catch a vapour that you can't see, taste, touch, or smell).
In all fairness though, some doctors are crystal clear in both thought and speech. Like this one who said, "Would you please send a copy to Dr. Hemmingway? That's JENNIFER Hemmingway, not Ernest...Ernest is dead." And he even spelt dead: " D-E-D , dead" he said. How sweet of him. Don't you wish his tribe increases ? It would make life so much easier for us.
Anyway, there's a lesson in all this for you. Three lessons actually: One, if you're suffering from Alzheimer's dementia, just do yourself and everybody else a favor and go lie down quietly somewhere in a straitjacket, ok ? Don't come here and type medical reports. Two, proofers don't, and I repeat, proofers do not have a sense of humour. So quit making jokes. Three, please go watch Cartoon Network; it's a lot closer to our lives than you think.
Now, I'm going to sign off a la Bugs Bunny. Open quotes that's all folks exclamation mark close quotes. And oh, just one thing more before I go...you know, how everybody says 'Watch this Space'? Well, don't watch this one because I'm not coming back. I'm going to lie down in that straitjacket....quietly.
But that's nothing compared to the trauma my friend went through. Now, you judge this one for yourself: The doctor apparently said "The patient is a resident of Texas. Mental Illnesses: None ." which my friend heard and typed as "The patient is a resident of Texas Mental Illness Home ." Big deal ! I mean, doesn't that amount to almost the same thing ? (If you answered No to that, how do you account for George Dubya Bush who was born with his own punchline "I'm living proof God has a sense of humor"? Where did you think Dubya was from?) The proofer charged the MT a weighted comprehension for this one ! My friend was enraged. I was outraged. You only charge a weighted comprehension when what is typed changes the intended meaning of what the doctor said..... which this clearly doesn't do .
Do you agree with me that living in Bangalore is expensive? (for that matter, dying in Bangalore is even more expensive, but let's not get morbid here, ok?) and that if you have to tank up four times a month, you have to rob a bank on your way to the bunk? (don't worry, this is leading somewhere). Now can you, with a clear conscience, blame me if I get reealllly excited when I hear the phrase "free of cost" ANYWHERE? Even if it's in a medical report where it has no business to be? This is what I heard: "Use the nebulizer and albuterol with lidocaine free of cost ." I was mighty thrilled ! I felt like jumping up and down and screaming "I want that disease, I want that disease !" Imagine, getting free medicines ! I suppressed my juvenile delinquent tendencies and simply typed exactly what I'd heard: "Use the nebulizer and albuterol with lidocaine free of cost ." The proofer wasn't impressed. And what did I get? Surprise, surprise - a weighted comprehension! Turns out the doctor was saying "Use the nebulizer and albuterol with lidocaine for your cough ." How boring. And you can keep your cough, thank you very much. Who wants a stupid cough, anyway?
Tell me one thing. If doctors want quality reports, shouldn't they be giving us quality dictations? From experience, I can tell you dictating doctors generally fall into three categories: The ones that have marbles in their mouths, the ones that have frogs in their throats, and the ones that have ants in their pants. Dr. Marbles-in-Mouth was flying at supersonic speed through his lab values: "chloride103 comebackside23 BUN12..." I was asleep at the wheel, so to speak, and this one really woke me up. I took my foot off the gas pedal and reversed: "chloride 103, come backside 23 , BUN 12..." carbon dioxide! you lovable gas! you almost got me into serious trouble (but I caught this one, I didn't type it. Obviously it's easy to catch a vapour that you can't see, taste, touch, or smell).
In all fairness though, some doctors are crystal clear in both thought and speech. Like this one who said, "Would you please send a copy to Dr. Hemmingway? That's JENNIFER Hemmingway, not Ernest...Ernest is dead." And he even spelt dead: " D-E-D , dead" he said. How sweet of him. Don't you wish his tribe increases ? It would make life so much easier for us.
Anyway, there's a lesson in all this for you. Three lessons actually: One, if you're suffering from Alzheimer's dementia, just do yourself and everybody else a favor and go lie down quietly somewhere in a straitjacket, ok ? Don't come here and type medical reports. Two, proofers don't, and I repeat, proofers do not have a sense of humour. So quit making jokes. Three, please go watch Cartoon Network; it's a lot closer to our lives than you think.
Now, I'm going to sign off a la Bugs Bunny. Open quotes that's all folks exclamation mark close quotes. And oh, just one thing more before I go...you know, how everybody says 'Watch this Space'? Well, don't watch this one because I'm not coming back. I'm going to lie down in that straitjacket....quietly.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
My Favourite Quotes
Trust in God but tie your camel to a tree --Arab proverb
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint--Mark Twain
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired - Unknown
We live in an age where the pizza gets to your home before the police -- Jeff Marder
Sometimes the fool who rushes in gets the work done --Al Bernstein
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read -- Groucho Marx
This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force -- Dorothy Parker
That was a good career move -- Gore Vidal on learning that his friend and rival Truman Capote had died
We have met the enemy...and he is us -- Pogo (Walt Kelly)
Assume a virtue if you have it not -- William Shakespeare
Anything too stupid to be said, is sung -- Voltaire
Your greatest enemy is your greatest friend -- Native American saying
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it -- Harry Truman
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education -- Mark Twain
I really didn't say everything I said -- Yogi Berra
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint--Mark Twain
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired - Unknown
We live in an age where the pizza gets to your home before the police -- Jeff Marder
Sometimes the fool who rushes in gets the work done --Al Bernstein
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read -- Groucho Marx
This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force -- Dorothy Parker
That was a good career move -- Gore Vidal on learning that his friend and rival Truman Capote had died
We have met the enemy...and he is us -- Pogo (Walt Kelly)
Assume a virtue if you have it not -- William Shakespeare
Anything too stupid to be said, is sung -- Voltaire
Your greatest enemy is your greatest friend -- Native American saying
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it -- Harry Truman
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education -- Mark Twain
I really didn't say everything I said -- Yogi Berra
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