In what is being dubbed as an unprecedented comic crisis, UN Secretary General Ban-Ki Moon departed from his textbook address to the UN to express his anguish at Archie’s decision to marry Veronica. “Betty Cooper is all set to become a suicide bomber,” he croaked in a strangulated whisper as heads of state looked on in horror. “No matter what we do, there’s one born every minute,” the distraught UN chief went on, looking and sounding dangerously close to a meltdown.
“It ain’t over till it’s over pal,” an unidentified voice called from the back to nervous laughter.
President Obama gamely tried to bring sanity to the situation by declaring, “It’s recession time, folks. A loser like Archie is better off with the Lodges than out on the streets looking for work.”
His comment was met with loud boos and desk thumping from one section and “hear, hear” from another.
“Always the bridesmaid, never the bride,” was Britian’s typically understated response.
“Excuse me! In my country, people are killing each other to eat mud!” exclaimed an enraged representative from the continent of Africa, “maybe you should fly your Archie and Veronica to my country for their honeymoon,” he fumed in disgust.
The House descended into chaos with Russia, China, and Pakistan aggressively outbidding each other for discounted airline fares to the newlyweds.
When asked to comment, Cuba’s leadership was blunt, “Archie can marry Veronica’s mother for all we care.”
“Or her father,” was North Korea’s laconic quip.
India has called for a 3-day closed-door meeting of the SAARC nations to decide what to decide. “We’re monitoring the situation,” was the only cryptic comment from the big brother of the subcontinent.
The Secretary General pounded the desk with his gavel for order causing the Israeli leader to jump up with a blood-curdling shriek as he looked at his shattered fingers in horror. The leader had to be straitjacketed and carried out to prevent him from firing a gun that he pulled on the shocked Secretary General.
“How did he get that in?” protested the Middle Eastern bloc. “This is a conspiracy. The infidel planned to assassinate us! All deals are off. We’re blowing up Israel right now,” they yelled and stormed out.
The Secretary General asked for a show of hands for Veronica and Betty assuring the House that he would force Archie to abide by the majority’s wish. The USA, France, Italy, Australia, and China raised their hand for Veronica – and for Betty. Indian diplomats studied their feet and sat on their hands. An Iraqi diplomat hurled his shoe at the Secretary General but missed him and caught Gordon Brown square in the face. “Bull’s eye” muttered Nicholas Sarkozy unaware that he was caught on tape. England immediately severed all diplomatic ties with France. “Wait till I go home and tell Carla about this,” grinned Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian premier.
“Carla is MY wife you senile creep,” a shocked and livid Sarkozy screamed.
“Oh,” was the Italian premier’s muted defence.
“Please let us all calm down,” pleaded the Secretary General. “At this hour of grave global crisis, it’s important that we all stand together putting our petty differences aside.”
“Yeah right,” said a Bangladeshi diplomat, “after all, in my country only a few tens of thousands have been displaced by floods but clearly this is a far greater humanitarian crisis we have on our hands.”
When asked to comment, the German Chancellor said, “I think I need a drink,” and headed off to find one.
“It ain’t over till it’s over pal,” an unidentified voice called from the back to nervous laughter.
President Obama gamely tried to bring sanity to the situation by declaring, “It’s recession time, folks. A loser like Archie is better off with the Lodges than out on the streets looking for work.”
His comment was met with loud boos and desk thumping from one section and “hear, hear” from another.
“Always the bridesmaid, never the bride,” was Britian’s typically understated response.
“Excuse me! In my country, people are killing each other to eat mud!” exclaimed an enraged representative from the continent of Africa, “maybe you should fly your Archie and Veronica to my country for their honeymoon,” he fumed in disgust.
The House descended into chaos with Russia, China, and Pakistan aggressively outbidding each other for discounted airline fares to the newlyweds.
When asked to comment, Cuba’s leadership was blunt, “Archie can marry Veronica’s mother for all we care.”
“Or her father,” was North Korea’s laconic quip.
India has called for a 3-day closed-door meeting of the SAARC nations to decide what to decide. “We’re monitoring the situation,” was the only cryptic comment from the big brother of the subcontinent.
The Secretary General pounded the desk with his gavel for order causing the Israeli leader to jump up with a blood-curdling shriek as he looked at his shattered fingers in horror. The leader had to be straitjacketed and carried out to prevent him from firing a gun that he pulled on the shocked Secretary General.
“How did he get that in?” protested the Middle Eastern bloc. “This is a conspiracy. The infidel planned to assassinate us! All deals are off. We’re blowing up Israel right now,” they yelled and stormed out.
The Secretary General asked for a show of hands for Veronica and Betty assuring the House that he would force Archie to abide by the majority’s wish. The USA, France, Italy, Australia, and China raised their hand for Veronica – and for Betty. Indian diplomats studied their feet and sat on their hands. An Iraqi diplomat hurled his shoe at the Secretary General but missed him and caught Gordon Brown square in the face. “Bull’s eye” muttered Nicholas Sarkozy unaware that he was caught on tape. England immediately severed all diplomatic ties with France. “Wait till I go home and tell Carla about this,” grinned Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian premier.
“Carla is MY wife you senile creep,” a shocked and livid Sarkozy screamed.
“Oh,” was the Italian premier’s muted defence.
“Please let us all calm down,” pleaded the Secretary General. “At this hour of grave global crisis, it’s important that we all stand together putting our petty differences aside.”
“Yeah right,” said a Bangladeshi diplomat, “after all, in my country only a few tens of thousands have been displaced by floods but clearly this is a far greater humanitarian crisis we have on our hands.”
When asked to comment, the German Chancellor said, “I think I need a drink,” and headed off to find one.
