The Antidote (what I haven't learnt...)

I haven't learnt to twitter - or rather, to tweet
I haven't learnt to blush and study my feet
I haven't learnt to eat with chopsticks yet
Or that I argue like a complete idiot
I know patience is the mother of all virtues
But I haven't put that lesson to good use
I haven't learnt not to shoot off my mouth
To prevent a bad situation from going further south
I haven't learnt the art of grace under pressure
Or that I take for granted things I should treasure
I haven't learnt it's a little too late
To sulk and whine at thirty-eight.
Though I've got my fingers pretty badly burnt
I've learnt that I still haven't learnt.

Keep Walking - one for the road

A lot of people I know have an amazing road sense. Me, I was born without an internal GPS. If you stand me in a spot, blindfold me, and spin me around a couple of times, I won't know which way to turn (I'll probably stagger around drukenly for a few seconds, puke all over myself, and faint). People like me depend heavily on signage, landmarks, and auto drivers to get us to where we're going without crossing into the next state. But, it's not just my road sense, I'm hopeless at finding anything at all (which is why I'm not married); I couldn't spot a dancing moose in a discotheque because I wouldn't find the discotheque to begin with - even if one of those colored disco balls fell on my head.

One-way streets is a good concept but it can be terrifying for someone who has a great propensity to get lost because if you take the wrong road, there's literally no turning back and instead of going where you need to go, you'll end up going where the road takes you. (I'm better than my mom though - she once drove around a circle thrice before she realized she was going round and round.)

So if I have to go to a place which I haven't been to before, I usually do a recce the previous day. Problem is, it seems like I've never been to any place before - even the ones I've been to before. Which is how I set out to establish where the Government Arts and Science College is. I found the college but I didn't know I'd found it because it didn't have a board that said it was the Government Arts and Science College and it had been found; of course, all you had to do was to look at it to know it was a college but I need more proof - I need a board that proclaims what it is before you'll convince me and to my bad luck there was no board. And worse, now I had to find my way back home through the maze of one-ways. I simply kept following the road for 15 minutes without knowing where I was going.

I finally gave up and pulled up next to an auto driver and asked him "which way to Domlur?"

He looked at me like I'd asked him "Which way to Africa?" Then he giggled and pointed down the road and said, "Follow that road till you come to a U-turn, take the U-turn and go back to where you came from."

Very helpful.

"But where did I come from?" I asked him.

I think he wanted to say "I hope you don't want me to answer that," but he changed his mind and shrugged as if to say "anywhere you want it to be."

I peered at boards (the signage has really improved in the city) from which all kinds of names flew at me, some familiar ("so THAT's the railway station!") but mostly not. To cut a long story short, I followed the familiar sounding names and landed up in front of my aunt's house which is a good 10 kms from home but it was still home - it was lunchtime by now, I was hungry and tired and happy.

Life's like that - you suddenly realize you're on the wrong road but whaddya know, it's a one-way stret, so you keep going, and you stumble around following familiar sign boards guided by an inner intuition only to rediscover your faith in serendipity.

My "I've learnt that..." List

• Every opinion has an equal and opposite counter-opinion.
• Truth and fact are not the same thing because truth is almost always relative.
• People DO get away with crime.
• Sometimes it's easier to trust someone else than to trust yourself.
• No matter how eloquent you are, words will fail you when you need them the most.
• We talk the most when we have nothing to say.
• You're never too old for Archie comics.
• No matter how indifferent you are, a child's hunger will break your heart.
• If you drive in this city, it's hard not to swear.
• Only animals and children can love unconditionally.
• Hope is more often born out of desperation than optimism.
• It's more important to share silence comfortably than share conversation comfortably.
• Sharing grief creates more grief.
• Good spelling is fast becoming an oxymoron.
• Books on positive thinking can sometimes be very depressing.
• When a child asks you "Shall I show you how strong I am?" NEVER say "yes"
• The "moral compass" is really a compass and points in different directions for different people.
• Sometimes, "you say it best when you say nothing at all."
• You'll never find yourself unless you first lose yourself.
• Good music can move you in a way that can only be felt and never defined.