I've just about had it with this city's traffic. I've found a new mode of transport. It's called the One-legged Hippity Hippity Hop. All you need is a pair of good legs.
No driving license, no parking hassles, no traffic lights - it's your ticket to anywhere anytime.
Monday August 16, 2007, 9:30 a.m.: I've just hopped into an air-conditioned office where the receptionist (a cross between Jennifer Aniston and Shilpa Shetty) gives me a head-to-foot once over. "I want to see your manager," I rasp breathlessly. She gets up, she's chewing gum, she's been poured into her clothes, and she never takes her eyes off me till she ducks around the corner and trills "There's a kangaroo in to see you."
Monday August 16, 2007, 5 p.m.: I'm hippitying to the grocery about half a kilometer away when a car zips past next to me, a window rolls down, and I'm showered with coins. "HEYYYYY!" I scream "Come back, come back. Look, look," I jump up and down with both legs and I thank God I can't see myself. I pick up the coins, count the change, and pocket it.
Tuesday August 17, 2007, 11 a.m.: I've hippited in to a gift shop. Everyone stares at my left leg which I've folded backwards 90 degrees at the knee and forgotten to lower. I decide to brazen it. I point at my legs and shrug and twitter. Everyone shrugs. No one twitters though.
Wednesday August 18, 2007, 9:45 a.m.: I'm in a mall. I've come to the parking lot and I put my legs down and sit down to rest. The security guy blows his whistle angrily at me. I get mad. I mime a steering wheel and back out in reverse humming "Here comes the bride" on the top of my lungs. Then, I shift gears, zoom in again, park, and jump out of my air car. "Happy?" I snarl. His whistle and jaw drop. I go back and lock my car.
Thursday August 19, 2007, 10:30 a.m.: I'm still hopping around in the cool mall, shifting legs every now and then. I get plenty of eyeballs and cat calls. I feel like a Babhi doll.
August 22, 2007, 9:30 a.m.: Oh, I think I missed 2 lunches and 2 dinners. This doesn't seem like such a good idea after all.
August 22, 2007, 5:30 p.m.: I'm in a shop looking for stilts...
