The Salesman

Goodafternoonmadam, myselfxxfromyyproducts thisisapromotion justoneminuteopenthedoormadam" - the apparition rapped outside my door.

"Huh?" I blinked as the afternoon sun blinded me and I tried to find my bearings. The doorbell had shattered my siesta and I'd sprung out of bed and landed at the front door, unaware that I'd moved. I tried to focus.

"Justoneminuteopenthedoormadam" he danced to an imaginary beat. I looked at him incredulously. He had a grinning mask on, which he had now pushed up on his forehead to give me the real all 32 whites. There were two macabre grins on his face. On his head, he wore something that looked like rabbit ears and flapped violently when he spoke. He was dressed in colours to help you spot him from outer space, and he had a yo-yo in one hand that squealed, a puppet that quacked in the other, and a huge bag on his shoulder that undoubtedly contained other such noisy nightmares that pass for toys today.

"What do you want?" I asked unable to keep the edge out of my voice. Try keeping your cool when you discover you've been woken up by a dancing monster rabbit from hell at 3 in the afternoon.

"Justoneminuteopenthedoormadaaam," he said again.
"What language are you talking?" I asked genuinely surprised. For a ludicrous moment, I wondered if he'd really landed from Mars.
"Harharharhar" it laughed and I reeled backwards. Surely, this was just a bad dream.

"Just one minute open the door madam," he said slowly with an ear-to-ear grin like he was addressing a 2-year-old retard. "I have wonderful imported toys, cheap madam, great fun for whole family, not just for childrens, nicetimepassopenthedoormadam."
"I don't want any toys!" I said unable to believe I was having a conversation with a Martian. "Don't buy madam, just see," he said, grin in place, and began to set his bag down.
"No!" I screamed in a panic. "I don't want to see any toys! Why would I want to see toys?"
"Buy for your children madam, see madam this talking parrot here; you put the battery here, wind it here and see madam, see, see....it's imported madam" he danced and grinned.

I twisted my neck from a range of 20 to 360-degree angles to see from which direction it would look like a parrot and finally gave up. The contraption was talking in an unknown tongue at an ear-splitting decibel. I covered my ears instinctively and nodded my head violently to indicate to him that he should leave and take his foreign monster with him. He put away the parrot and took out a kangaroo.
"How about this madam? Jumps very nicely, just do like this, like this, like this, like this, like this, like this...er...uh...it's not working, Iwillshowyouothertoys oneminuteifyouopenthedoormadam" the grin never faded.
"There are no children in this house and I don't really play with toys, so please leave, and close the gate behind you," I said and turned to walk in.
"Just you open the door and see what other things I have madam. I have books also, just see, you don't have to buy" Didn't his face tire grinning like that?
"I really don't have the time and I must ask you to leave," I said trying hard not to abuse him.

"What about mobile phones madam? Do you want a mobile?" Grin, grin.
"NO!" I said, exasperated.
"Life insurance?" Grin, dance.
"LIFE insur..uh?" I couldn't make the switch.
"What about flats?" Grin, grin, dance dance.
"Do you have that in your bag as well?" my eyes were wide with astonishment.
"Or an electric oven? Or do you want car covers? Do you have a garden? (he was standing in my 2-foot space) Do you want an apple tree sapling? Money-back guarantee is there...mattresses? Sofa backs? Nightdress? Grin, grin, grin, dance, dance, dance.

I honestly couldn't understand what I was feeling at that point. I was being verbally assaulted by a wiry schizophrenic with two grins who was carrying the world and a zoo in his bag and wouldn't get out of my compound. I'd never felt more alone in my life.

I looked around wildly.

"Okay give me a glass of water then" he said suddenly and stepped closer to the door. I was sure I could detect a manic glint in his eye and I shuddered.
"If you don't give me a glass of water, you'll be born a lizard in your next birth. Do you want me to read your palm? I can predict the future. Just tell me the time you were born and I will tell you everything that is going to happen in your life. I can show you the lizard that you will look like in your next birth. It's right here in my bag," he began to dig into his humongous sack, never losing the grin.
"Can you really predict the future?" I croaked.
"Yes," he said in a steely voice and with the manic glint and of course the grin.
"Tell me how long you see yourself standing on my property then," I squeaked.
"I have Eric Clapton's and B.B. King's Riding with the King - you want? you can listen on iPod and decide if you want to buy - here, openthedoormadam and take this iPod -you can load 320 songs, listen while driving, eating, sleeping, reading, bathing, dressing, anywhere and everywhere," the energetic schizophrenic continued to rap and grin.

I felt lightheaded, nauseous, and close to hysteria.
"Givemeaglassofwatermadam, and I'll go," he danced, grinning.
"I'd rather be a lizard!" I growled, suddenly livid. "Get off my property or I'll set the dogs on you!" I screamed.
"Have a good day madam," he said, his ears flapping violently, both grins intact on his face, and turned to leave.

That's when I saw the huge tiger tail behind him.

Despicable!

No one is fooled by the “Iraqi court’s” trial, conviction, and hanging of Saddam Hussein. History will show America as probably the first nation in the civilized world to successfully carry out an unprovoked aggression against another country flouting all norms of international law and basic human decency, dethroning its head of state, and sending him to the gallows like a common criminal for so-called crimes that America not only condoned but actively encouraged a few decades ago. America’s puppets hanged Saddam Hussein at America’s behest under the cover of darkness on December 30th; they behaved like the band of thieves that they are in one of 2006’s most shameful moments; of course, "shame" is now synonymous with "Bush."

In the ‘80s, Saddam was America’s darling. They armed him to the teeth with impunity because they wanted him to contain Iran – why get your hands dirty when you can pay for a hit job? – they encouraged his aggression against the Kurds and the Shias and provided him with ammunition to carry out his so-called crimes. The Iran-Iraq war was to last 8 long years with 100s of 1000s of lives lost - sponsored by Uncle Sam. These are the “crimes” that he has now been hanged for! So much for upholding democracy and human rights! So much for the “Champions of the Free World.” In a frenzy of fast-forward action, Puppet Maliki got the necessary approvals (including his ayatollah's), fulfilled all of America's demands that the "law" be followed to the letter one of which was that the Iraqi President sign Saddam's death warrant which he reluctantly did after making it plain that he was against capital punishment (ironically, the lone dissenter against Saddam's hanging in the American coterie was a Kurd!), roused a sleeping Saddam, bundled him into a waiting Black Hawk, and flew him to his death. Hollywood couldn't have done it better.

"Stuff happens," I guess, like Donald Rumsfeld (remember him? Of Guantanamo Bay fame?) so famously said. Rumsfeld who has been photographed with Saddam during their cosy bum-chum days; yes, the same Rumsfeld who was in a God Almighty hurry to get into Iraq after Osama reduced the Towers to smouldering mounds of dust. When did this invasion become about trying Saddam for his crimes against his people? Which is entirely that country’s business. Are there no other dictator regimes in the world? What about Musharraf? Why not dethrone him and hang him as well? What about poor forgotten Burma? Where in the nation’s last election Suu Ki’s party won 82% of the popular vote – EIGHTY TWO PERCENT! And instead of heading the nation, she’s under house arrest and the country is being run by the “military junta” – where are the Champions of Democracy? Why aren’t they marching into Burma with their Saviours of the World armed forces if it’s their self-appointed God given duty to give democracy a nudge wherever it’s floundering? Because Burma is not oil-rich Iraq. What about Ethiopia and Somalia? All Children of a Lesser God.

And what about us? The Rest of the World? Are we so depraved that we will only whine and whimper when the time has come for us to stand up and say “Enough! We will not tolerate any more!” Are we so blind that we can’t see it could’ve been any of us? How can we stand by and watch one head of a nation being hanged by another? How low are we prepared to stoop? To be conquered? The world should isolate America for this heinous crime, this macabre blemish on humanity that they choose to call “justice” – this is not justice by any measure – it is a MURDER; an open, in-your-face, cold-blooded, undemocratic, outrageous murder. Should we not bring America to justice? Should we not make America accountable for this crime?

“No backbone” India’s reaction has been characteristic: We expressed our “disappointment” –how disgusting! That we have to couch our words in diplomacy so we don’t offend America no matter what the crime and what the cost to our national pride! How disgusting that we don’t have a courageous leader who can look George "draft-ducking" Bush in the eye and tell him he is a just a spoilt brat and throw the book at him for first-degree murder. How disgusting that this so cleverly timed hanging that is neither in Kofi Annan’s time nor in Ban Ki-Moon’s, has proved yet again that the UN is a completely useless body with no control or authority over its biggest rogue member.

So Mission Accomplished? Is this what America went to Iraq for? Was it ever about Osama or WMDs? Both of which have not been accounted for till date. Is George Bush a happier man today? Does he sleep easier at night? Is Iraq a safer place because Saddam is dead? Is America a safer place? What has been achieved? Close to 700,000 Iraqis have been murdered by America since 2003. These are people like you and me – with homes, families, a life. They were mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers with jobs, homes, and a future. Who will pay for their deaths? Have they not died in vain? All because one stubborn madman will not admit that he was wrong. That he did something unlawful. He continues to run amok because none of us are willing to stop him.

"We have met the enemy, and they is us."