As the world waits in vain for George Bush to get real (and get a life), Iraq continues in a downward spiral. The Allied Forces which is an impressive term for a motley crew of Americans and their faithful sidekicks, the British, have all but thrown up their hands. Even the Iranians are backing the Iraqis now - that's what Bush has accomplished - getting the 2 nations that at one time were at each other's throats for 8 years, on the same side. It's just about the only thing he can be proud of right now. Saddam Hussein has been "smoked out", hauled to court, tried, and convicted but no WMDs have been found; commission after commission (and finally the CIA itself) has concluded that there is no evidence to suggest that Osama and Saddam are or ever were in cahoots and the purpose of the now almost 4-year-old invasion still remains murky as ever. Did they go over all the way just to dethrone Saddam? What business is it of theirs? If that's "bringing democracy" let's all get together, read Georgie his Miranda, haul him into a criminal court, and get him convicted - God knows there are enough charges to put him away for 2 lifetimes.
Osama is alive and well and I'm sure very amused by Bush's antics. He held the Superpower by it's scruff and shook it like a rag doll almost 6 years ago and it's still reeling like it just got off a high-speed rollercoaster. No one sympathized with Osama then; in fact, the Americans had the world's sympathy but they lost it pretty quickly when they turned around and simply started shooting in the dark. Now, just about anyone can say "boo" and America will jump. Which is exactly what North Korea and Iran are doing - only this "boo" is more deadly, and America has neither the strength nor the support to do anything about it - because of Iraq. Remember the boy who cried wolf? Well...
It's a terribly sad decline that need not have been. Not too long ago, America did represent the things that she laid claim to - life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. She was a proud nation - rich but generous with her money, selling dreams to the rest of the world, mighty but welcoming, unopposed but democratic, and well respected. People flocked to America for the good life and she closed her eyes and opened her arms wide. Because America respected your intellect regardless of which part of the world you came from, she led the world at all negotiating tables - trade, politics, science, sport - it was the Star Spangled banner all the way. (Of course, Hollywood helped immensely with the hype and hooplah.) With the demise of the USSR, the world indulged America to the hilt. America indulged her children and became a spoilt brat.
Then, cable TV came home. Everyone could see America, warts and all, everyday in our living rooms and the sheen wore off. When trade barriers began to break down in Thomas Friedman's increasingly "Flat World" and as more nations began embracing some form of capitalism, we saw the other side of America - the selfish big bully, the rogue elephant in our backyard. But because she gave generously, we grudgingly forgave whatever she took in return.
And then George Bush ascended the throne. Bush is a marvel. It would be interesting to open his skull and peer inside - just to check, you never know. Somebody once called him "the longest serving President to have never won an election." From the start, he was a disaster. Now, he's toxic. His backdoor entry (quite literally - he abandonned the traditional walk to the podium for the presidential swearing in and sped past a barrage of eggs and a gusto rendition of "Hail to the Thief" and sheepishly took his oath) - had already assured him a place in the history books, but he wasn't about to settle for such an unimpressive footnote. Bush was determined for the world to sit up and take note and boy, oh boy, did we! His confidence is mind boggling - surely, he must inspire millions around the globe to dream big. Most of his counterparts who visit or host him, wear a bemused, perplexed look - you never know what the guy is going to do or say next. He's ill informed and quite proud of his ignorance, very often wearing it like a badge of honour. He has a history of ruining everything he touched much before his entry into politics (read Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 911"). Almost every business venture he embarked on became a misdaventure and all of them tanked.
Riding in on papa's coatails, little Bush has indeed come far - it's a piece of good luck that he can still hardly believe. For a man who ducked the draft, his readiness to engage the enemy is amazing. Long after his "bring 'em on" rhetoric rebounded and started resounding in his ears, Bush continues to doggedly insist that he's "winning the war on terror" - What war is he talking about? Where is the enemy? Does he even know WHO the enemy is anymore? What has he accomplished in his 6 years of presidency except a vertical division of the world where everyone hates everyone else and everyone else hates America and America hates everyone else? Is that a great legacy to leave behind as the leader of a Superpower? Even that epithet now evokes giggles.
As the world looks on in "shock and awe," the President blunders on gamely. He trots from region to region in right earnest, signing deals, shaking hands, posing for photos, tripping on stairs, smiling, waving, making speeches, and generally making a huge nuisance of himself (as his hosts dead pan bravely barely holding it in) and providing gainful employment to millions of caricature artists the world over.
Never has America commanded such little respect and invited such universal wrath like it does today. In what should surely go down as America's most embarassing moment, Kofi Annan reprimanded the nation's arrogance and blatant disregard for the UN's voice in his farewell speech. Increasingly, America has taken upon itself the role of the UN. At the six-party talks to disuade North Korea from going nuclear (has anyone noticed it's a little too late?) that dissolved into disarray recently at Beijing, the US led an unlikely group: Russia, China, Japan, North Korea, South Korea, and of course Uncle Sam. It was of course a complete waste of time but you can't help marvel at America - look at that group again. Japan and China hate each other; North and South Korea hate each other; the Russians hate everybody, and everybody hates America and there they are sitting and talking! South Korea and Japan are shivering at the prospect of a nuclear weapon in the hands of Kim Jong-Il and rightfully so - Jong-Il is a mad hatter and wears his madness merrily on his sleeve, but today America has reduced both itself and the UN to a bleating sheep that no one pays attention to.
Bush, of course, is looking for one last war to go out guns blazing. His choices are Iran and North Korea. Ahmadinejad has made it very plain what he thinks of Bush. The UN approved nuclear technology sanctions against Iran 2 days ago; the sanction forbids any country from trading in civil nuclear material or technology with Iran and isolates Iran completely, but it remains to be seen if that will break Iran's backbone; highly unlikely. The Security Council also tried to bring in a travel ban against Iran which (surprise surprise) Russia didn't allow. (Russia's foreign policy has always been pretty simple: "My enemy's enemy is my friend"). Ahmadinejad's reply was characteristic: Go to hell. The next day, one of his ministers was in the media, telling everyone who cared to listen that Iran will redouble its efforts at uranium enrichment.
If America wants to be taken seriously, the Americans should first disarm themselves. Then, they should get out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Next, they should get out of the Israel-Palestine conflict; America will never be able to understand or solve West Asia's problems, at least, most certainly not with George Bush as the President; and lastly, America should gag and tie her President and keep him at home. The rest of us can take care of ourselves very well, thank you very much.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
It's the economy, stupid
Fending off bullets from every quarter, the beleaguered US President looks set to push the India-US nuke deal through both Houses. The nuclear deal hasn’t gone down well with either the Indian public or the US. For starters, most of us really don’t know what the fine print reads. In our own media, we have different news channels and different newspapers telling us different things – what we think depends on who we watch and what we read – and no two sources of information agree on a single point.
India is not a signatory to the NPT and traditionally, the US has refused to do nuclear commerce with non-signatories. India becomes the first exception to the rule and will receive civilian nuclear fuel and technology despite staying out of the NPT. Amid vociferous opposition from some factions about setting a bad precedent, President Bush managed to push the nuclear bill through treating India as a special case because of its responsible nuclear record (what this means is anyone’s guess since the US imposed sanctions on civilian nuclear cooperation on India because we tested in 1974). But the US has the tough task of convincing the Nuclear Suppliers Group – a group of 45 nations – to ride along. Right now, no one is really going along with anything that America says or does. So why is America going out on a limb for the deal?
It’s stupid for us to think they love us very much. India will need a lot more energy in the coming years than we are capable of producing. America’s stake in India is high, especially since 1990 when we embraced “liberalization” – it’s another matter that we were by then pushed to the wall – we hardly opened up out of choice; we had nowhere to turn. It had been proven beyond reasonable doubt that Russia’s brand of socialism was not going to sustain us anymore.
India has gained America’s respect as an emerging economic power that can’t be ignored. To America’s credit, if they can’t beat you, they’ll join you which is exactly what they’ve done with India. Today, America’s investments in India need uninterrupted energy supply – we can’t guarantee that, so Uncle Sam is stepping in to take care of itself; we shouldn’t pretend that it’s not beneficial to us either and we shouldn’t expect the US not to look out for itself. They’re doing business and they will drive a hard bargain. This deal is not so much about politics as it is about business. In America, business drives politics and not the other way around like it used to be in India in the good old Nehruvian socialism days. This is a deal that the American business community wants and what they want, they usually get – despite everything, the dollar still shines brighter than every other currency. How much can we come away with? Can we match America’s selfishness and secure our own future? That should be the starting point of our negotiations on the 123 Agreement that the US and India are expected to sign, the clauses of which will become binding on India. It’s time to show the world - not just the US - how hard we can play.
India is not a signatory to the NPT and traditionally, the US has refused to do nuclear commerce with non-signatories. India becomes the first exception to the rule and will receive civilian nuclear fuel and technology despite staying out of the NPT. Amid vociferous opposition from some factions about setting a bad precedent, President Bush managed to push the nuclear bill through treating India as a special case because of its responsible nuclear record (what this means is anyone’s guess since the US imposed sanctions on civilian nuclear cooperation on India because we tested in 1974). But the US has the tough task of convincing the Nuclear Suppliers Group – a group of 45 nations – to ride along. Right now, no one is really going along with anything that America says or does. So why is America going out on a limb for the deal?
It’s stupid for us to think they love us very much. India will need a lot more energy in the coming years than we are capable of producing. America’s stake in India is high, especially since 1990 when we embraced “liberalization” – it’s another matter that we were by then pushed to the wall – we hardly opened up out of choice; we had nowhere to turn. It had been proven beyond reasonable doubt that Russia’s brand of socialism was not going to sustain us anymore.
India has gained America’s respect as an emerging economic power that can’t be ignored. To America’s credit, if they can’t beat you, they’ll join you which is exactly what they’ve done with India. Today, America’s investments in India need uninterrupted energy supply – we can’t guarantee that, so Uncle Sam is stepping in to take care of itself; we shouldn’t pretend that it’s not beneficial to us either and we shouldn’t expect the US not to look out for itself. They’re doing business and they will drive a hard bargain. This deal is not so much about politics as it is about business. In America, business drives politics and not the other way around like it used to be in India in the good old Nehruvian socialism days. This is a deal that the American business community wants and what they want, they usually get – despite everything, the dollar still shines brighter than every other currency. How much can we come away with? Can we match America’s selfishness and secure our own future? That should be the starting point of our negotiations on the 123 Agreement that the US and India are expected to sign, the clauses of which will become binding on India. It’s time to show the world - not just the US - how hard we can play.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
"...When we talk of tomorrow, the Gods laugh"
When you lose someone you love, your world crumbles. Your days and nights become living hell. Every night becomes a nightmare of tears, memories, and insomnia. Every morning, you wish you didn't have to get out of bed. Then, the tears dry up. You can't cry anymore, but the grief doesn't go away. It envelopes you and nibbles at your insides. It’s almost a physical pain that won’t heal because you’re gnawing at it constantly - because you can't get the person off your mind; no matter where you go or what you do, memories relentlessly flood you - everything you see and everything you do reminds you of the person you've lost. It makes the grief unbearable. Everything becomes an effort – to talk, to eat, to dress, living itself seems like an effort that’s not worth the trouble. Then, you become desperate. What you wouldn't do to bring him/her back! What you wouldn't give to hear that voice one more time, to see that smile one more time, for one last conversation, one last hug, one last goodbye...but nothing will change. You can cry till you’re blue, you can "if only" endlessly...nothing will change. It's the final bow and the curtain won't come up. Ever.
Then, you quieten down. You resign yourself to the fact and you learn to live with your grief. Time will not heal a loss - it will only make it worse - but what Time does is, it teaches you to smile through your pain. It teaches you to function inspite of it. It also does something else: It makes you completely fearless. You forget what it is like to be afraid. What can you possibly be afraid of after you've faced this? Suddenly, you can look Life in the eye and say "Is that all there is to it?" It's strangely liberating - that you've gone to hell and come back and you’ve survived. It also realigns your priorities like nothing else can. Nothing seems so important anymore - we're all going to the same place...alone, carrying nothing with us.
This is one of my dad's favourite quotes: "Time is Nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once. When we talk of tomorrow, the Gods laugh." I never tried to understand what this meant when I had my father. I understand now, Daddy.
Then, you quieten down. You resign yourself to the fact and you learn to live with your grief. Time will not heal a loss - it will only make it worse - but what Time does is, it teaches you to smile through your pain. It teaches you to function inspite of it. It also does something else: It makes you completely fearless. You forget what it is like to be afraid. What can you possibly be afraid of after you've faced this? Suddenly, you can look Life in the eye and say "Is that all there is to it?" It's strangely liberating - that you've gone to hell and come back and you’ve survived. It also realigns your priorities like nothing else can. Nothing seems so important anymore - we're all going to the same place...alone, carrying nothing with us.
This is one of my dad's favourite quotes: "Time is Nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once. When we talk of tomorrow, the Gods laugh." I never tried to understand what this meant when I had my father. I understand now, Daddy.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
It's Dark Inside
Death is the most life-changing experience. It's universal yet its enormity, its horror, and its finality can never be understood till it comes home. When you lose someone, you die with that person - the life you had with that person dies, a part of you dies, and you carry on living with that dead part inside you. It's a grief that will never go away and it's a grief that no tears or words can comfort or heal. You go on living simply because you have no other choice. It's not because you're brave or because you've gotten over your loss. You NEVER get over your loss simply because your life has changed forever. Things will never be the same again. The thought that you will never see the person again, hear his voice, or touch his hand is a grief that can never be put into words. You discover in how many ways you can miss a person, you discover how much more that person meant to you than you realized when he was alive. You rediscover your Faith which is the realization that Faith doesn't give you what you want from life - it only gives you a little strength to cope when life happens to you. You are completely alone in your grief and you will feel the loneliness most acutely when people surround you after your loss - when they comfort you, when they wipe away your tears, when you have to answer their questions, when you have to function, when the business of living cannot be suspended, when you must push back your grief, act "normal" and carry on living. That's when you realize how tough it is to pick up the million, fragmented, confused, hopeless pieces that your life has become within a fraction of a second and hold them together; you cannot possibly join them back into a whole, so you hold the pieces and you put one step in front of the other and you go on. But for you, it's over - through your smiles, your tears, your memories, your days, and your nights, forever, it will always be dark inside.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
THE LAST LAUGH
Once upon a time, there were two kids, A and B.
A suffered from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder which made C very excited - C constantly lectured him, punished him, pleaded with him and generally gave him too much attention which A loved and his syndrome thrived. He truly was an empty vessel that makes a lot of noise.
B was a psychopath but he was a quiet one (still waters run deep). He was the real danger but no one bothered about him because they were so busy with A. This allowed B to indulge in some serious crimes, but C was so spent trying to pacify and control and change A that he ended up a helpless onlooker to B's grave crimes.
Now, here's a little puzzle for you - identify Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong-Il, and George Bush from A, B, and C.
A suffered from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder which made C very excited - C constantly lectured him, punished him, pleaded with him and generally gave him too much attention which A loved and his syndrome thrived. He truly was an empty vessel that makes a lot of noise.
B was a psychopath but he was a quiet one (still waters run deep). He was the real danger but no one bothered about him because they were so busy with A. This allowed B to indulge in some serious crimes, but C was so spent trying to pacify and control and change A that he ended up a helpless onlooker to B's grave crimes.
Now, here's a little puzzle for you - identify Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong-Il, and George Bush from A, B, and C.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Mohammed Afzal Guru vs Manu Sharma
Manu Sharma is the son of a heavy-weight Congress "leader" in Haryana. One of his aunts is ex-President Shankar Dayal Sharma's daughter. He's also Jessica Lall's murderer. Who admitted to killing the lady in a deadpan confession. He's also a free citizen of India. He's in fact, thriving.
If all goes well, Mohammed Afzal Guru will be hanged on October 20, 2006, for masterminding the attack on the Indian Parliament in December 2001. If at all Guru should be hanged, it should be for the security men who gave up their lives so that the rats inside Parliament can continue to live and prosper. Mohammed Afzal Guru did not actually kill anyone - painful as it may be for the security personnel's families to hear people protest his death penalty, the fact remains that Guru didn't pull the trigger on anyone.
Afzal Guru in fact did us a great service. He tried to cleanse the rot in our Parliament. For that, he needs to go into our history books as the greatest patriot that ever lived. He's a hero. He had the guts to do what any of us would've loved to do if we had his guts. We don't, so we vote - and in some cases, like mine, we don't do even that. (Of course, we blog which helps our great democracy a great deal).
As things stand today, India's only hope is to bomb Parliament when it's in full session (which it never will be unless MPs are hiking their pay). What can you say of elected representatives who will harbour and protect murders within their own families? There are numerous cases of high profile brats literally getting away with murder, but Manu Sharma's case beats them all hands down. Here we have a scumbag who goes on tape to admit that he pulled the trigger on a woman simply because she refused to serve him a drink after the bar was closed - she got killed for doing her job and this despicable apology for a human being roams free today - he's doing much more than that - he's thriving. Because his father happens to be in the right place at the right time. Life has finally caught up with him - hopefully (the confession tape was on air today and if he's not sent to the gallows even after this, the rest of us should hang).
If Guru can be hanged even though he did not actually pull the trigger on anyone, why can't Manu Sharma be hanged when he not only pulled the trigger without provocation but also admitted to doing it with a cockiness that comes from knowing he's above the law?
"Elected representatives" in our state legislatures all over the country are thugs. Many of them are illiterate. Some of them have been charged with murder and they make laws, pass bills, and "rule" us. Why shouldn't they be hanged? Everyone is incensed about the attack on the symbol of our democracy - what about letting murderers sit in Parliament? Isn't that an attack on the symbol of our democracy? Politicians of all hues are frothing at the mouth because Parliament was attacked - none of them died, remember? But millions of innocent people have lost their lives in this country to senseless violence in every single state, most of them "masterminded" by politicians. Why is justice never done in those cases? Why doesn't anyone ever hang? Why not hang Dawood? Narendra Modi? Manu Sharma? Santosh Singh? (Priyadarshini Matto's murderer) Vikas Yadav? (Nitish Katara's murderer who confessed to the crime and also makes a guest appearance in the Jessica Lall murder) The killers of the young IAS officer (I've forgotten his name - public memory, you see) who paid with his life because he stood up to the UP/Bihiar mafia - because he did his job? Why not hang VP Singh whose Mandal politics killed so many young students? Why not hang HKL Bhagat (I think he's already dead, does anyone remember?) and Buta Singh and all those who watched the massacare of Sikhs when Indira Gandhi was assassinated?
Arun Jaitley calls this "the most gruesome attack on India." In what sense? He doesn't breathe a word about the security men who gave up their lives to protect him - he's talking about the attempt on his life (which unfortunately for all of us, remains just an attempt). What kind of a democracy are we? If I sit in Parliament, my life is more precious than yours if you're standing behind a bar counter. Even if you're doing your job behind the bar counter while I'm bleeding the nation dry sitting in Parliament.
Oh, forget it. Let's celebrate "Gandhi Jayanti." Sanjay Dutt is preaching about Gandhian values to us - it can't get more ridiculous than this even in the theatre of the absurd. Thank God Gandhi is dead.
If all goes well, Mohammed Afzal Guru will be hanged on October 20, 2006, for masterminding the attack on the Indian Parliament in December 2001. If at all Guru should be hanged, it should be for the security men who gave up their lives so that the rats inside Parliament can continue to live and prosper. Mohammed Afzal Guru did not actually kill anyone - painful as it may be for the security personnel's families to hear people protest his death penalty, the fact remains that Guru didn't pull the trigger on anyone.
Afzal Guru in fact did us a great service. He tried to cleanse the rot in our Parliament. For that, he needs to go into our history books as the greatest patriot that ever lived. He's a hero. He had the guts to do what any of us would've loved to do if we had his guts. We don't, so we vote - and in some cases, like mine, we don't do even that. (Of course, we blog which helps our great democracy a great deal).
As things stand today, India's only hope is to bomb Parliament when it's in full session (which it never will be unless MPs are hiking their pay). What can you say of elected representatives who will harbour and protect murders within their own families? There are numerous cases of high profile brats literally getting away with murder, but Manu Sharma's case beats them all hands down. Here we have a scumbag who goes on tape to admit that he pulled the trigger on a woman simply because she refused to serve him a drink after the bar was closed - she got killed for doing her job and this despicable apology for a human being roams free today - he's doing much more than that - he's thriving. Because his father happens to be in the right place at the right time. Life has finally caught up with him - hopefully (the confession tape was on air today and if he's not sent to the gallows even after this, the rest of us should hang).
If Guru can be hanged even though he did not actually pull the trigger on anyone, why can't Manu Sharma be hanged when he not only pulled the trigger without provocation but also admitted to doing it with a cockiness that comes from knowing he's above the law?
"Elected representatives" in our state legislatures all over the country are thugs. Many of them are illiterate. Some of them have been charged with murder and they make laws, pass bills, and "rule" us. Why shouldn't they be hanged? Everyone is incensed about the attack on the symbol of our democracy - what about letting murderers sit in Parliament? Isn't that an attack on the symbol of our democracy? Politicians of all hues are frothing at the mouth because Parliament was attacked - none of them died, remember? But millions of innocent people have lost their lives in this country to senseless violence in every single state, most of them "masterminded" by politicians. Why is justice never done in those cases? Why doesn't anyone ever hang? Why not hang Dawood? Narendra Modi? Manu Sharma? Santosh Singh? (Priyadarshini Matto's murderer) Vikas Yadav? (Nitish Katara's murderer who confessed to the crime and also makes a guest appearance in the Jessica Lall murder) The killers of the young IAS officer (I've forgotten his name - public memory, you see) who paid with his life because he stood up to the UP/Bihiar mafia - because he did his job? Why not hang VP Singh whose Mandal politics killed so many young students? Why not hang HKL Bhagat (I think he's already dead, does anyone remember?) and Buta Singh and all those who watched the massacare of Sikhs when Indira Gandhi was assassinated?
Arun Jaitley calls this "the most gruesome attack on India." In what sense? He doesn't breathe a word about the security men who gave up their lives to protect him - he's talking about the attempt on his life (which unfortunately for all of us, remains just an attempt). What kind of a democracy are we? If I sit in Parliament, my life is more precious than yours if you're standing behind a bar counter. Even if you're doing your job behind the bar counter while I'm bleeding the nation dry sitting in Parliament.
Oh, forget it. Let's celebrate "Gandhi Jayanti." Sanjay Dutt is preaching about Gandhian values to us - it can't get more ridiculous than this even in the theatre of the absurd. Thank God Gandhi is dead.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
FAHRENHEIT 9/11
I'm reading The Official Fahrenheit 9/11 reader - yes, it's a little dated (only 2 years!) but I don't think books should be read and movies watched when they're basking in their hype; it takes away the attention from the content and the hype becomes a thing with a life of it's own - also, the spin doctors are out when hype is in the air, so you're never able to put the book or the movie in any sort of perspective. Anyway, bottom line - I'm reading it now and I'm going to recommend this to EVERYONE I know (of course, there's a real possibility I'm the last one to get my hands on it).
What doesn't add up for me though is HOW Bush could've won a second term despite this. I thought the American electorate was a lot more intelligent. This book contains pages and pages of documented truth about the Iraq war, the lies and the manipulation that made it possible. With lots of accolades for Michael Moore with letters by the dozen from born-again Democrats, first-time voters, vindicated Democrats saluting and thanking Michael Moore for telling them the truth - it's just amazing despite ALL of this, Bush got back in the driver's seat for a second term. I'm not sure whether it was Jay Leno or Moore himself who called Bush "the longest serving President to never have won an election" - that's on the dot. A couple of pages are devoted to how Bush stole the election from Al Gore - by getting his (Bush's) first cousin John Ellis who ran the FOX News Channel's election desk, to call the election in his favour in Florida AFTER all the networks and AP had declared Al Gore the winner. Once FOX called in Bush's favour, everyone followed suit. The book describes how the President had to cancel his traditional walk to the White House for the swearing in as 1000s of Americans poured into the streets of Washington DC to pelt his limo with eggs as it sped to what has now become symbolic of this presidency - a backdoor entry.
Also, the thing that doesn't add up is why Osama was let off when he could've been caught.
This book depicts in great detail the extremely up close and personal relationship that the Bushies shared with the bin Ladens, how when all flights were grounded post 9/11, "at least 6 private jets and nearly 2 dozen commercial planes" flew the Saudis and bin Ladens out of America - apparently, (this is chilling!) the bin Ladens and the Bushes and their friends have common investment interests in "the Carlyle Group, a multinational conglomerate that invests in heavily government-regulated industries like telecommunications, health care, and particularly defense." Osama's half-brother and a crowd of Americans were in the same room meeting about their investment interests at the Ritz-Carlton in Washington DC as they watched the planes go into the Towers - but the book also gives the impression (without stating so explicitly) that Osama had no sanction from his family to do this - but of course we forget THE most important pieces of the puzzle - greenbacks and oil.
Fahrenheit 9/11 is a documentary and it won in The Best Picture category, that too at Cannes. It must be Wow! I have to get my hands on this movie - I know, I'm only 2 years behind!
What doesn't add up for me though is HOW Bush could've won a second term despite this. I thought the American electorate was a lot more intelligent. This book contains pages and pages of documented truth about the Iraq war, the lies and the manipulation that made it possible. With lots of accolades for Michael Moore with letters by the dozen from born-again Democrats, first-time voters, vindicated Democrats saluting and thanking Michael Moore for telling them the truth - it's just amazing despite ALL of this, Bush got back in the driver's seat for a second term. I'm not sure whether it was Jay Leno or Moore himself who called Bush "the longest serving President to never have won an election" - that's on the dot. A couple of pages are devoted to how Bush stole the election from Al Gore - by getting his (Bush's) first cousin John Ellis who ran the FOX News Channel's election desk, to call the election in his favour in Florida AFTER all the networks and AP had declared Al Gore the winner. Once FOX called in Bush's favour, everyone followed suit. The book describes how the President had to cancel his traditional walk to the White House for the swearing in as 1000s of Americans poured into the streets of Washington DC to pelt his limo with eggs as it sped to what has now become symbolic of this presidency - a backdoor entry.
Also, the thing that doesn't add up is why Osama was let off when he could've been caught.
This book depicts in great detail the extremely up close and personal relationship that the Bushies shared with the bin Ladens, how when all flights were grounded post 9/11, "at least 6 private jets and nearly 2 dozen commercial planes" flew the Saudis and bin Ladens out of America - apparently, (this is chilling!) the bin Ladens and the Bushes and their friends have common investment interests in "the Carlyle Group, a multinational conglomerate that invests in heavily government-regulated industries like telecommunications, health care, and particularly defense." Osama's half-brother and a crowd of Americans were in the same room meeting about their investment interests at the Ritz-Carlton in Washington DC as they watched the planes go into the Towers - but the book also gives the impression (without stating so explicitly) that Osama had no sanction from his family to do this - but of course we forget THE most important pieces of the puzzle - greenbacks and oil.
Fahrenheit 9/11 is a documentary and it won in The Best Picture category, that too at Cannes. It must be Wow! I have to get my hands on this movie - I know, I'm only 2 years behind!
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Jack-in-office (or it's not just the Peter Principle, stupid)
Lao Tzu, a 6th century Chinese philosopher, said "To lead the people, walk behind them." When you walk behind your people, you pick up things that you can never pick up if you're constantly sitting in a glass cabin into which you expect people to remove their footwear before they enter. It does something to otherwise ordinary mortals when they get into their cabins and sit on their thrones - wise exceptions continue to stay mortals, but most of them morph into insensitive jacks-in-office; these jacks-in-office live in an incredibly happy atmosphere and for the life of them, can never understand why others can't be as happy as they are!
Hello! I'm jack-in-office; I make all important decisions that I don't have to communicate - read that again - THAT I DON'T HAVE TO COMMUNICATE - those 6 words are the root cause of everyone's misery; they allow me to be completely insensitive to you because I don't even know you exist; I'm not the messenger, and people only shoot messengers. I will make a decision - Yes, No, Maybe - but you communicate it - and you get shot in the process, thank you very much.
But you ask, "Since I'm anyway getting shot, will I be allowed to make my own decisions and then get shot for my decisions instead of getting shot for yours?"
"No way! I'm jack-in-office, stupid. You're just jack's jack."
And how did I make these decisions? Not by talking to the people who will be affected by them or at least listening to assistant jack, but by talking to other jacks like me who also reside in similar glass houses and flick away their assistant jacks and other ordinary mortals from their cabins like flies. Assistant jack goes out to communicate jack-in-office's decisions to the ordinary mortals who revolt and flog assistant jack because they don't have access to jack-in-office to flog him. Assistant jack can't mollify his people, so he resorts to the next best thing - like third-degree torture.
Meanwhile, good ole' jack-in-office is protected from the mayhem, seated as he is in his sterile glass cabin, so he's happy and for the life of him, can never understand why others can't be as happy as he is!(Oh, sorry, am I repeating myself?)
Instead picture this: I'm jack-in-office; I want a decision I made implemented, so I go out and announce my decision and face the consequences, good or bad; I communicate and I (not you) am accountable to my subordinates; I listen to the concerns, I think about them, and a few egg and tomato omelettes later, I become sensitive; not because I've grown a brain at last but because I know now what it is to have my goose cooked, so it forces me to think about other people for a change, especially if I have to go out and meet them and talk to them and be accountable for my actions.
None of the above is practical in large organizations and that is why decision making should be decentralized at every level, organizations, city administrations, state, and even central administration. Instead, both these conditions don't exist. Decision making remains very centralized in most large organizations and definitely even in so called democracies despite lofty mouthings to the contrary and people who make the decsions are least accountable, least accessible, least connected, least knowledgeable, and the very least sensitive.
Blasphemy! If decision making were to be decentralized, what about me?!? I would be unnecessary and I'm not skilled to do what I'm asking you to do! So, what about me? Hush, hush now....
Hello! I'm jack-in-office; I make all important decisions that I don't have to communicate - read that again - THAT I DON'T HAVE TO COMMUNICATE - those 6 words are the root cause of everyone's misery; they allow me to be completely insensitive to you because I don't even know you exist; I'm not the messenger, and people only shoot messengers. I will make a decision - Yes, No, Maybe - but you communicate it - and you get shot in the process, thank you very much.
But you ask, "Since I'm anyway getting shot, will I be allowed to make my own decisions and then get shot for my decisions instead of getting shot for yours?"
"No way! I'm jack-in-office, stupid. You're just jack's jack."
And how did I make these decisions? Not by talking to the people who will be affected by them or at least listening to assistant jack, but by talking to other jacks like me who also reside in similar glass houses and flick away their assistant jacks and other ordinary mortals from their cabins like flies. Assistant jack goes out to communicate jack-in-office's decisions to the ordinary mortals who revolt and flog assistant jack because they don't have access to jack-in-office to flog him. Assistant jack can't mollify his people, so he resorts to the next best thing - like third-degree torture.
Meanwhile, good ole' jack-in-office is protected from the mayhem, seated as he is in his sterile glass cabin, so he's happy and for the life of him, can never understand why others can't be as happy as he is!(Oh, sorry, am I repeating myself?)
Instead picture this: I'm jack-in-office; I want a decision I made implemented, so I go out and announce my decision and face the consequences, good or bad; I communicate and I (not you) am accountable to my subordinates; I listen to the concerns, I think about them, and a few egg and tomato omelettes later, I become sensitive; not because I've grown a brain at last but because I know now what it is to have my goose cooked, so it forces me to think about other people for a change, especially if I have to go out and meet them and talk to them and be accountable for my actions.
None of the above is practical in large organizations and that is why decision making should be decentralized at every level, organizations, city administrations, state, and even central administration. Instead, both these conditions don't exist. Decision making remains very centralized in most large organizations and definitely even in so called democracies despite lofty mouthings to the contrary and people who make the decsions are least accountable, least accessible, least connected, least knowledgeable, and the very least sensitive.
Blasphemy! If decision making were to be decentralized, what about me?!? I would be unnecessary and I'm not skilled to do what I'm asking you to do! So, what about me? Hush, hush now....
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Peter Principle (with dollops of Dilbert)
"I get mail; therefore I am." - Dilbert
Laurence J Peter authored Peter Principle (published 1968) in which he contends that "In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence." At the time it was published, the Peter Principle might've seemed novel but now we have Scott Adams' Dilbert who encounters the Peter Principle every day at work.
Increasingly, the world is being run - workplaces, factories, institutions, and entire nations - on the Peter Principle. Simply put, with a few exceptions, most people "running the show" are collectively mad, insensitive, and clueless about the implications of their madness on their immediate subordinates.
The Peter Principle's hypothesis (now a fact) is pretty simple: Promotions are made like this: I excel at my desk job, so I'm made manager of my department. There is absolutely no logic or coherence to this decision. I've only proved my prowess at the desk job and nothing else; I know peanuts about people, let alone managing them. But this unexpected windfall makes me seriously believe in my nonexistent capabilities and I go ballistic. I wreck the system with well-thoughtout, carefully debated mismanagement. To achieve this feat, I spend hours in my cabin summoning other incompetents (who have been similarly promoted) to my desk to tell me what I wish to hear based on which I make decisions that are either completely irrelevant or unnecessary (or both) to my immediate subordinates and are guranteed to obliterate any ounce of happiness they might have previously possessed as workers. They can't shake me up, they can't take me out, so they quit.
But I'm a manager, so I can't be demoted, therefore I'll get promoted again - in a bid to disable my capacity to do direct damage to the grassroots. But in my new role, I'm an unstoppable megalomaniac. My motto is "It's either my way or the highway." Here, I'm not doing direct damage to the grassroots, but I'm causing enough grief to my fellow incompetents in middle management for them to do serious damage to their immediate subordinates, the grassroots, which they do with impish glee.
But now, I'm unshakeable. People under me just have to pray for divine intervention. Morale has plunged, everyone is cynical about everything, workers are desperate, my contribution is there for everyone to see, but I sit royally ensconced in my cabin surrounded by my yes-men telling me things never looked better though there is not an iota of data to prove this hypothesis; customers are baying for my blood, workers are quitting like rats deserting a sinking ship, those who stay are simply biding time, but I sit firmly with my rose-tinted blinkers on because now I'm so far promoted, the world I inhabit has no connection to reality.
But the unhappy people who're actually slaving for me to earn my monthly bomb keep slaving miserably at their unproductive best. Their nonperformance makes me belligerent towards them but it never troubles my nonexistent conscience that I'm the cause of their misery because my incompetence is earning me a paycheck that is 10 times fatter than theirs. Instead of keeping these people happy and trying to address the cause of their unhappiness, I do everything I can to alienate my workforce even further. I can't be demoted for my incompetence, so I demote them if they don't give me what I demand - regardless of how unreasonable my demands are. That's secondary. I'm the BOSS - that's primary.
At an organizational level, the story might end with either the organization running itself to the ground or with hiring and firing the right people. With larger playgrounds, like cities, states, or nations, the story never ends. It's easier for me to perpetuate the damage across larger areas by simply getting lost in the system and installing other incompetents like me to both cover my own back and to avoid having to deal with the mess that that has now snowballed into unmanageable proportions. I should've been at my desk job - where I was doing good work and out of everyone's way. Or I should've been shot after my first promotion. If I'd been shot at the right time, I would've become a martyr (eg. Mahatma Gandhi). Now, I'm just a royal pain in the wrong place (eg. Sonia Gandhi).
That's how Popes are made. That's how High Priests are made. That's how Mullahs are made. That's how Presidents and Prime Ministers are made. That's how the WORLD runs. And you, you miserable nincompoop, you crib about your workplace! HA!
Go read Dilbert and be happy. You're not alone.
Laurence J Peter authored Peter Principle (published 1968) in which he contends that "In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence." At the time it was published, the Peter Principle might've seemed novel but now we have Scott Adams' Dilbert who encounters the Peter Principle every day at work.
Increasingly, the world is being run - workplaces, factories, institutions, and entire nations - on the Peter Principle. Simply put, with a few exceptions, most people "running the show" are collectively mad, insensitive, and clueless about the implications of their madness on their immediate subordinates.
The Peter Principle's hypothesis (now a fact) is pretty simple: Promotions are made like this: I excel at my desk job, so I'm made manager of my department. There is absolutely no logic or coherence to this decision. I've only proved my prowess at the desk job and nothing else; I know peanuts about people, let alone managing them. But this unexpected windfall makes me seriously believe in my nonexistent capabilities and I go ballistic. I wreck the system with well-thoughtout, carefully debated mismanagement. To achieve this feat, I spend hours in my cabin summoning other incompetents (who have been similarly promoted) to my desk to tell me what I wish to hear based on which I make decisions that are either completely irrelevant or unnecessary (or both) to my immediate subordinates and are guranteed to obliterate any ounce of happiness they might have previously possessed as workers. They can't shake me up, they can't take me out, so they quit.
But I'm a manager, so I can't be demoted, therefore I'll get promoted again - in a bid to disable my capacity to do direct damage to the grassroots. But in my new role, I'm an unstoppable megalomaniac. My motto is "It's either my way or the highway." Here, I'm not doing direct damage to the grassroots, but I'm causing enough grief to my fellow incompetents in middle management for them to do serious damage to their immediate subordinates, the grassroots, which they do with impish glee.
But now, I'm unshakeable. People under me just have to pray for divine intervention. Morale has plunged, everyone is cynical about everything, workers are desperate, my contribution is there for everyone to see, but I sit royally ensconced in my cabin surrounded by my yes-men telling me things never looked better though there is not an iota of data to prove this hypothesis; customers are baying for my blood, workers are quitting like rats deserting a sinking ship, those who stay are simply biding time, but I sit firmly with my rose-tinted blinkers on because now I'm so far promoted, the world I inhabit has no connection to reality.
But the unhappy people who're actually slaving for me to earn my monthly bomb keep slaving miserably at their unproductive best. Their nonperformance makes me belligerent towards them but it never troubles my nonexistent conscience that I'm the cause of their misery because my incompetence is earning me a paycheck that is 10 times fatter than theirs. Instead of keeping these people happy and trying to address the cause of their unhappiness, I do everything I can to alienate my workforce even further. I can't be demoted for my incompetence, so I demote them if they don't give me what I demand - regardless of how unreasonable my demands are. That's secondary. I'm the BOSS - that's primary.
At an organizational level, the story might end with either the organization running itself to the ground or with hiring and firing the right people. With larger playgrounds, like cities, states, or nations, the story never ends. It's easier for me to perpetuate the damage across larger areas by simply getting lost in the system and installing other incompetents like me to both cover my own back and to avoid having to deal with the mess that that has now snowballed into unmanageable proportions. I should've been at my desk job - where I was doing good work and out of everyone's way. Or I should've been shot after my first promotion. If I'd been shot at the right time, I would've become a martyr (eg. Mahatma Gandhi). Now, I'm just a royal pain in the wrong place (eg. Sonia Gandhi).
That's how Popes are made. That's how High Priests are made. That's how Mullahs are made. That's how Presidents and Prime Ministers are made. That's how the WORLD runs. And you, you miserable nincompoop, you crib about your workplace! HA!
Go read Dilbert and be happy. You're not alone.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Another mountain-molehill situation
Somebody with a lot of time on their hands decided that the Muslims of India should not sing Vande Mataram, the national song, so naturally the BJP (which has more time than anyone else) decided this is unpatriotic and now, we have a raging controversy on our hands, in our newspapers, and on TV.
The media, especially in India, has become increasingly inflammatory in its coverage of sensitive topics. There's no reason to run this story day and night and stick a mike in every Tom, Dick, and Harry's face and ask for his opinion on the issue - which is basically a non-issue. In these volatile times, the media forces everyone to form an opinion and to mouth it. This is completely unnecessary and to a large extent, very irresponsible. Gone are the days when TV anchors were mere moderators in any debate. Now, they get into the debates themselves and hardly bother to conceal which side they're on. This is a very unhealthy trend. Agreed as individuals, they are entitled to their opinions, but as professionals they are required to remain neutral moderators. Instead, most of our anchors get into arguments with their panelists, guests, or audience further inflaming passions.
To come back to Vande Mataram - since when did singing a song define your patriotism or lack of it? Do we need these pseudo patriots who don't think twice before hiking their salaries "cutting across party lines" (and religious lines) when people are literally dropping dead with no food and shelter in a country where the divide between the haves and have-nots is so gaping? Why should a man who doesn't know where his next meal is coming from, sing on an empty stomach saluting his motherland? Regardless of what religion he belongs to?
Finally, why should it matter to me whether you sing the national song or not? Whether you're patriotic or not? Who is a patriot? Sonia Gandhi? Because she sings Vande Mataram?
Thanks - I'll go with the Muslims.
The media, especially in India, has become increasingly inflammatory in its coverage of sensitive topics. There's no reason to run this story day and night and stick a mike in every Tom, Dick, and Harry's face and ask for his opinion on the issue - which is basically a non-issue. In these volatile times, the media forces everyone to form an opinion and to mouth it. This is completely unnecessary and to a large extent, very irresponsible. Gone are the days when TV anchors were mere moderators in any debate. Now, they get into the debates themselves and hardly bother to conceal which side they're on. This is a very unhealthy trend. Agreed as individuals, they are entitled to their opinions, but as professionals they are required to remain neutral moderators. Instead, most of our anchors get into arguments with their panelists, guests, or audience further inflaming passions.
To come back to Vande Mataram - since when did singing a song define your patriotism or lack of it? Do we need these pseudo patriots who don't think twice before hiking their salaries "cutting across party lines" (and religious lines) when people are literally dropping dead with no food and shelter in a country where the divide between the haves and have-nots is so gaping? Why should a man who doesn't know where his next meal is coming from, sing on an empty stomach saluting his motherland? Regardless of what religion he belongs to?
Finally, why should it matter to me whether you sing the national song or not? Whether you're patriotic or not? Who is a patriot? Sonia Gandhi? Because she sings Vande Mataram?
Thanks - I'll go with the Muslims.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
The Day We All Died
On August 27, 2006, a professor in an Ujjain college was beaten to death by his students because he and his colleagues cancelled student elections. That's the worth of a life - it can be traded for a student election. Five or six decades of a life spent learning, loving, teaching, being a father, a son, a sibling, a professor, a friend - all snuffed out for what? A student election. What does it say for us that we can kill - KILL - a man who teaches us? This is the land where "gurus" are worshipped.
The police stood in plain public and TV camera view and WATCHED as one "student" threatened his professors, then abused them, and manhandled them. The professor who collapsed and later died had undergone a bypass surgery a few days before this incident. Life is that cheap. TV makes it even cheaper. The professor died in front of TV cameras. Millions of people saw him take his last gasping death.
What, I wonder, went through that poor man's mind as he watched his wards morph into beasts; his heart obviously couldn't take it.
Incidents like these that revolt people like me also happen because of people like me - we the silent self-righteous "dignified" majority who blog but will leave it to others "less dignified" to take to the streets and protest and bay for the beasts' blood and keep baying till we see it. Unless we stop accepting these atrocities collectively, ordinary men will continue to kill other ordinary men.
That's scary for all of us - the thought that not a bomb, not a terrorist, not a murder, but your next door neighbour can snuff your life out if you simply disagree with him. It can happen to me...and to you.
The police stood in plain public and TV camera view and WATCHED as one "student" threatened his professors, then abused them, and manhandled them. The professor who collapsed and later died had undergone a bypass surgery a few days before this incident. Life is that cheap. TV makes it even cheaper. The professor died in front of TV cameras. Millions of people saw him take his last gasping death.
What, I wonder, went through that poor man's mind as he watched his wards morph into beasts; his heart obviously couldn't take it.
Incidents like these that revolt people like me also happen because of people like me - we the silent self-righteous "dignified" majority who blog but will leave it to others "less dignified" to take to the streets and protest and bay for the beasts' blood and keep baying till we see it. Unless we stop accepting these atrocities collectively, ordinary men will continue to kill other ordinary men.
That's scary for all of us - the thought that not a bomb, not a terrorist, not a murder, but your next door neighbour can snuff your life out if you simply disagree with him. It can happen to me...and to you.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
The Joke's on You
The 1 p.m. News Comedy Show
Kofi Annan on air announcing a ceasefire between Israel and Hezbollah effective - get this! - tomorrow August 14, 2006, at GMT something. Not a ceasefire effective immediately, but tomorrow. Today, Israel and Lebanon can reduce each other to rubble and tomorrow - they even have a GMT - they can shake hands and go back to the crumbling remains of their lives.
George Bush warns his nation that they still face a threat from "Islamic fascists" - the one-foot-in-grave-the-other-in-mouth syndrome continues to rage with the President who just signed another death warrant for his people with that typically insensitive Bush remark.
The anchor tells us how India is celebrating her freedom on Independence Day, August 15th - with massive security, scared out of our wits, red alerts of impending terrorist strikes, not stirring out of our homes, avoiding all public places, no theatres, no malls, no public gatherings but a HUGE parade in the capital with more police than people - Jai Hind! We're free!
Kofi Annan on air announcing a ceasefire between Israel and Hezbollah effective - get this! - tomorrow August 14, 2006, at GMT something. Not a ceasefire effective immediately, but tomorrow. Today, Israel and Lebanon can reduce each other to rubble and tomorrow - they even have a GMT - they can shake hands and go back to the crumbling remains of their lives.
George Bush warns his nation that they still face a threat from "Islamic fascists" - the one-foot-in-grave-the-other-in-mouth syndrome continues to rage with the President who just signed another death warrant for his people with that typically insensitive Bush remark.
The anchor tells us how India is celebrating her freedom on Independence Day, August 15th - with massive security, scared out of our wits, red alerts of impending terrorist strikes, not stirring out of our homes, avoiding all public places, no theatres, no malls, no public gatherings but a HUGE parade in the capital with more police than people - Jai Hind! We're free!
Friday, July 28, 2006
Soul Healer - Dr. Brian Weiss
Sometime last year, I picked up a book called Only Love is Real by Dr. Brian Weiss and was blown away by its contents. I finished it almost in a single sitting and picked up Dr. Weiss's next book Many Lives, Many Masters - I was spellbound; I picked up another Same Soul, Many Bodies - each one of them as absorbing and unputdownable as the first.
Dr. Brian Weiss is a practicing Miami psychiatrist. Over 24 years ago, during one of his routine hypnosis episodes, one of his patients, Catherine regressed into a previous life, then another life, and another and stunned Dr. Weiss with her vivid descriptions and narratives which were verifiably true throwing Dr. Weiss into a turmoil of excited confusion, doubt, and disbelief. The scientist in Dr. Weiss rebelled. He was not a believer in reincarnation. During her sessions, Catherine began to give Dr. Weiss messages from what she called the "Masters" - it was obvious to Dr. Weiss that it wasn't his patient talking at all. Forced to accept a concept that he had disbelieved in for so many years, Dr. Weiss watched his patient progress through her therapy and heal herself through her regressions into her past lives.
Catherine's accidental regression led Dr. Weiss to explore the theory of past lives and reincarnation with his later patients which is the theme of all his books. Over the years, Dr. Weiss has learnt (as have many of his patients) that most of our self-inflicted limitations, fears, and conflicts have their roots in another lifetime. Dr. Weiss has successfully regressed and healed and many of his patients through this discovery. All of his books are based on real-life psychotherapy sessions with his patients.
According to Dr. Weiss, the common thread he has found in all his sessions with his patients is that a soul is reincarnated over and over till it learns all the lessons it needs to in the human form. Not only does it learn its lessons, it also chooses its future incarnations through the actions and thoughts of its present life on earth. It has a free will and chooses when it will be born, how, where, and which lessons to learn in each of its births.
In all his sessions with his patients, Dr. Weiss heard the same thing over and over - not only individual souls are reborn, but they're reborn as groups! So a daughter-monther in this life could've been brother-sister in the previous or grandaughter-grandmother or friend-friend; in Only Love is Real, Dr. Weiss unites two lovers who have been lovers over many lifetimes but never been united in any of them - they finally unite in Dr. Weiss's office when fate brings them to the same therapist in the same city at the same time but scheduled apart from each other, each unaware of the other's existence but both in their separate sessions with Dr. Weiss travelling to the same past lifetimes.
In Same Soul, Many Bodies, Dr. Weiss not only regresses his patients but also progresses them into future lives and continues to heal his patients through his regression and progression sessions.
For anyone interested in knowing how much we don't know - about ourselves and our universe and its mysterious laws and workings - whether you believe in what Dr. Weiss has to say or not, his books are a must-read.
Dr. Brian Weiss is a practicing Miami psychiatrist. Over 24 years ago, during one of his routine hypnosis episodes, one of his patients, Catherine regressed into a previous life, then another life, and another and stunned Dr. Weiss with her vivid descriptions and narratives which were verifiably true throwing Dr. Weiss into a turmoil of excited confusion, doubt, and disbelief. The scientist in Dr. Weiss rebelled. He was not a believer in reincarnation. During her sessions, Catherine began to give Dr. Weiss messages from what she called the "Masters" - it was obvious to Dr. Weiss that it wasn't his patient talking at all. Forced to accept a concept that he had disbelieved in for so many years, Dr. Weiss watched his patient progress through her therapy and heal herself through her regressions into her past lives.
Catherine's accidental regression led Dr. Weiss to explore the theory of past lives and reincarnation with his later patients which is the theme of all his books. Over the years, Dr. Weiss has learnt (as have many of his patients) that most of our self-inflicted limitations, fears, and conflicts have their roots in another lifetime. Dr. Weiss has successfully regressed and healed and many of his patients through this discovery. All of his books are based on real-life psychotherapy sessions with his patients.
According to Dr. Weiss, the common thread he has found in all his sessions with his patients is that a soul is reincarnated over and over till it learns all the lessons it needs to in the human form. Not only does it learn its lessons, it also chooses its future incarnations through the actions and thoughts of its present life on earth. It has a free will and chooses when it will be born, how, where, and which lessons to learn in each of its births.
In all his sessions with his patients, Dr. Weiss heard the same thing over and over - not only individual souls are reborn, but they're reborn as groups! So a daughter-monther in this life could've been brother-sister in the previous or grandaughter-grandmother or friend-friend; in Only Love is Real, Dr. Weiss unites two lovers who have been lovers over many lifetimes but never been united in any of them - they finally unite in Dr. Weiss's office when fate brings them to the same therapist in the same city at the same time but scheduled apart from each other, each unaware of the other's existence but both in their separate sessions with Dr. Weiss travelling to the same past lifetimes.
In Same Soul, Many Bodies, Dr. Weiss not only regresses his patients but also progresses them into future lives and continues to heal his patients through his regression and progression sessions.
For anyone interested in knowing how much we don't know - about ourselves and our universe and its mysterious laws and workings - whether you believe in what Dr. Weiss has to say or not, his books are a must-read.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Preach some more
Here's an update on the Sabarimala farce: The priest of the temple was caught literally with his pants down in the company of prostitutes. What was that again about the idol needing cleansing? Maybe Jaiamala should be allowed to do the honours.
(If you've been forunate enough to miss this farce and don't know what I'm talking about, see "Yes, I'm fooled" below on this page)
(If you've been forunate enough to miss this farce and don't know what I'm talking about, see "Yes, I'm fooled" below on this page)
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Will the real terrorist please stand up?
What Israel is doing to Lebanon is nothing short of state-sponsored terrorism. Look at how blatantly it's being done! Where is the crusading leader of world peace now? If Israel kills innocent civilians, it's acceptable as long as the killers are Jewish and the victims are Muslims. Nobody would dare call that Jewish terrorism even though it's being done with the sanction of the state of Israel and the sanction of the rest of the "world community" - read hypocrites. But if one Muslim maniac blows himself up somewhere, then it's "Islamic fundamentalism" - the whole community is held accountable, crucified, and made to feel defensive for one mad man's actions. How much more hypocritical can we get? Even within this, there's hypocrisy. Pakistan's rep in India can sit here on Indian soil and tell us that wanted terrorists in Pakistan will not be handed over to India for investigation and get away with it without so much as a wrap on his knuckles - no peace process speech, no regional cooperation, nothing here. Iraq needs US interference to "bring democracy" to its people, but Pakistan can continue to be a dictatorship, it can continue to sponsor terrorism in India, its "leader" can continue to rule in his military fatigues - I salute Musharraf for one thing though - his spunk - he's a dictator, he knows it, he doesn't care, and he doesn't pretend to be anything else which is a lot more than I can say for Dr. No Backbone.
Bush is speeding up the process to sell bombs to Israel. That's his reaction to what's going on over there. So, if you're Israel, then the US will not make speeches about democracy, human rights, and the stability of the West Asian region but if you're Iran and even if you're Iran minding your own business and not threatening anyone's existence, you're a threat to world peace. The rest of the "world community" including "Dr." Manmohan Spineless Singh are fellow cartoons of Bush and Rice. Condoleeza Rice is visiting the region apparently - who is this good-for-nothing woman who goes around poking her nose in everyone's affairs? Who cares what she thinks? Does the world have to run according to her two-faced definitions of justice, democracy, and peace? How can people who are completely ignorant of other cultures, their way of life, their compulsions, their tragedies, and their triumphs still interfere to "bring democracy"? God has personally whipsered in Bush's ears that he leaves the world in his care. The man doesn't even realize what he's doing to his own people. Today, Americans everywhere are at threat, in their own land and outside; the world either hates them or treats them as dumb clowns - they have rightfully earned this reputation. By and large, they're arrogant, ignorant, and pathetically self-absorbed. They don't have an iota of respect or standing in the world community except with their no-good cronies, the Brits - even there, it's only the watery Prime Minister who wags his tail for every Bush trick - the people of Britain have made it well known what they think of Blair and Bush.
Will Bush include Israel in his "axis of evil" category? Does he have the guts to call Israel a Jewish terrorist state and suffer the domestic economic consequences? If he doesn't, this apology for a President should zip his delinquent lips and stay out of other people's business. Every country has the capability to deal with its problems - we don't need a man who cannot speak his own language efficiently trying to communicate with other parts of the world about right and wrong. Mercifully, this apology will be out soon - he can sit back smugly and look at the legacy he's left behind and feel happy - a vertically divided world where violence has touched almost every single nation today for which he and he alone and directly is responsible.
Every single evil act that takes place in today's world, Bush is directly responsible for. He has to live with the curses of every human being who has lost a daughter, a son, a mother, a father, or a sibling to acts of terror anywhere in this world - Bush, and not the terrorists, is responsible for this. He has made the world a lot more dangerous than it ever was and hopefully when the "President" leaves, his nation will come to its senses under a better leadership and there will be some semblance of sanity in the world again.
Bush is speeding up the process to sell bombs to Israel. That's his reaction to what's going on over there. So, if you're Israel, then the US will not make speeches about democracy, human rights, and the stability of the West Asian region but if you're Iran and even if you're Iran minding your own business and not threatening anyone's existence, you're a threat to world peace. The rest of the "world community" including "Dr." Manmohan Spineless Singh are fellow cartoons of Bush and Rice. Condoleeza Rice is visiting the region apparently - who is this good-for-nothing woman who goes around poking her nose in everyone's affairs? Who cares what she thinks? Does the world have to run according to her two-faced definitions of justice, democracy, and peace? How can people who are completely ignorant of other cultures, their way of life, their compulsions, their tragedies, and their triumphs still interfere to "bring democracy"? God has personally whipsered in Bush's ears that he leaves the world in his care. The man doesn't even realize what he's doing to his own people. Today, Americans everywhere are at threat, in their own land and outside; the world either hates them or treats them as dumb clowns - they have rightfully earned this reputation. By and large, they're arrogant, ignorant, and pathetically self-absorbed. They don't have an iota of respect or standing in the world community except with their no-good cronies, the Brits - even there, it's only the watery Prime Minister who wags his tail for every Bush trick - the people of Britain have made it well known what they think of Blair and Bush.
Will Bush include Israel in his "axis of evil" category? Does he have the guts to call Israel a Jewish terrorist state and suffer the domestic economic consequences? If he doesn't, this apology for a President should zip his delinquent lips and stay out of other people's business. Every country has the capability to deal with its problems - we don't need a man who cannot speak his own language efficiently trying to communicate with other parts of the world about right and wrong. Mercifully, this apology will be out soon - he can sit back smugly and look at the legacy he's left behind and feel happy - a vertically divided world where violence has touched almost every single nation today for which he and he alone and directly is responsible.
Every single evil act that takes place in today's world, Bush is directly responsible for. He has to live with the curses of every human being who has lost a daughter, a son, a mother, a father, or a sibling to acts of terror anywhere in this world - Bush, and not the terrorists, is responsible for this. He has made the world a lot more dangerous than it ever was and hopefully when the "President" leaves, his nation will come to its senses under a better leadership and there will be some semblance of sanity in the world again.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
It's SO good to be back!
I can write so much about this whole episode of the Ministry of Communication blocking our blogs, but I'd just like to say how happy I am that the blogging community came together on this and forced a rollback. Also, it feels great to know that our democracy with all its ails is still alive and kicking!
Monday, July 10, 2006
We still love you, Zizou
Like millions of watching fans around the globe, what I'd hoped to see was a legend walk off the field to tears, cheers, and thunderous applause for giving us some of our best sporting moments in soccer history. Instead, what we got was an errant school boy being marched off the field to an ignominous exit - it's not how Zizou's fans want to remember him, yet that one silly, uncalled for gesture is being played and replayed across TV screens a day after Italy shot their way into football history as World Champions 2006.
A usually unflappable Zidane turned on Materazzi charging him like a mad bull, knocking the stunned Italian down (I'm sure the shock kept the guy down on the pitch more than anything else) and earning himself the refree's rightful ire. And that's how Zinedine Zidane bade farewell to millions of his agahst fans. By descending from the sublime to the ridiculous.
Oh well...it was a human moment, an ugly one, but nevertheless human.
Zizou, we still love you...
A usually unflappable Zidane turned on Materazzi charging him like a mad bull, knocking the stunned Italian down (I'm sure the shock kept the guy down on the pitch more than anything else) and earning himself the refree's rightful ire. And that's how Zinedine Zidane bade farewell to millions of his agahst fans. By descending from the sublime to the ridiculous.
Oh well...it was a human moment, an ugly one, but nevertheless human.
Zizou, we still love you...
Sunday, July 09, 2006
The Final Countdown!
We're 6-1/2 hours away from the World Cup final.
Italy is my favourite team but Zizou is my favourite player and I'm torn between them! Who should I root for?
Whatever happens, Cheers Zizou, you're a winner!
Italy is my favourite team but Zizou is my favourite player and I'm torn between them! Who should I root for?
Whatever happens, Cheers Zizou, you're a winner!
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Yes, I'm fooled
Twenty years ago, a 27-year-old actress entered the sanctum sanctorium of the Sabarimala temple and touched the feet of Lord Aiyappa, one of the many bachelor Gods in the Hindu pantheon. Women under 50 are not allowed to visit Sabarimala - Lord Aiyappa has personally given strict orders to the fossilized temple priests at Sabarimala that his bachelorhood is in grave danger if a woman under 50 enters his premises - who knows, she might marry Him. Anyway, this woman entered - how dare she - she just materialized out of thin air, got into the sanctum sanctorium, and she touched the idol. That's the only way she could've got past the oh-so-holy fossil who is oh-so-faithfully guarding his Lord. She touched the idol's feet! Blasphemy! At least blasphemy if you did all this without greasing the palms of the fossil who's guarding his Lord. Not blasphemy if fossil sells tradition for money.
The fossils in Sabarimala and some fellow who calls him the "Devaswom" minister in the Kerala cabinet are baying for this actress's blood now - 20 years later. Like the Queen in "Alice in Wonderland" who keeps screaming "Off with her head." How did all this come to light? Because another fossil (in the guise of an astrologer) claimed publicly that Lord Aiyappa is hopping mad that someone has contaminated His aura and He needs to be cleansed (by the fossils who guard and protect Him from things like His devotees). This someone is either a non-Brahmin or a woman - again, this was personally whispered by Lord Aiyappa in the fossil astrologer's ears - all these guys are so holy (and so fossilized) that they have a direct hotline to the Lord...and when they don't they can read His mind.
When the actress heard about this, she confessed her "sin" to the Sabarimala fossils and also faxed an apology (Lord Aiyappa rocks, man. He'd rather have a faxed apology than someone rolling around His premises beating their chest and making asses of themselves begging for His forgiveness. A fax is neat and simple). The fossils assured her that her apology will be accepted by the rocking Lord Aiyappa and her "confession" will be kept confidential.
But you know how irresistible the media can be. Especially if you have one foot in the grave and the other in your mouth. So now we have a raging controversy. Of course, every other problem in Sabarimala has been solved. They just have to get this actress's blood for the "sin" she committed 2 decades ago, and lo and behold! Sabarimala will become...well, God's Own Country.
Lord Aiyappa definitely needs a holy bath to cleanse Him. Cleanse Him from who's touch? That's debatable.
Scream loudly about other people's sins and no one will notice your own. Nice try. Works sometimes.
The fossils in Sabarimala and some fellow who calls him the "Devaswom" minister in the Kerala cabinet are baying for this actress's blood now - 20 years later. Like the Queen in "Alice in Wonderland" who keeps screaming "Off with her head." How did all this come to light? Because another fossil (in the guise of an astrologer) claimed publicly that Lord Aiyappa is hopping mad that someone has contaminated His aura and He needs to be cleansed (by the fossils who guard and protect Him from things like His devotees). This someone is either a non-Brahmin or a woman - again, this was personally whispered by Lord Aiyappa in the fossil astrologer's ears - all these guys are so holy (and so fossilized) that they have a direct hotline to the Lord...and when they don't they can read His mind.
When the actress heard about this, she confessed her "sin" to the Sabarimala fossils and also faxed an apology (Lord Aiyappa rocks, man. He'd rather have a faxed apology than someone rolling around His premises beating their chest and making asses of themselves begging for His forgiveness. A fax is neat and simple). The fossils assured her that her apology will be accepted by the rocking Lord Aiyappa and her "confession" will be kept confidential.
But you know how irresistible the media can be. Especially if you have one foot in the grave and the other in your mouth. So now we have a raging controversy. Of course, every other problem in Sabarimala has been solved. They just have to get this actress's blood for the "sin" she committed 2 decades ago, and lo and behold! Sabarimala will become...well, God's Own Country.
Lord Aiyappa definitely needs a holy bath to cleanse Him. Cleanse Him from who's touch? That's debatable.
Scream loudly about other people's sins and no one will notice your own. Nice try. Works sometimes.
The myth of fact
In the June 28, 2006, edition of the Deccan Herald, the story titled "US House Panel okays N-Bill", there is a sentence that reads: "The 50-member House International Relations Committee approved by vote of 37 to 5 the legislation designed to make exemptions in the 1954 Atomic Energy Act to enable the US to sell nuclear fuel and technology in return for non-proliferation..."
In the June 28, 2006, edition of The New Indian Express, in the story titled "For nuke deal, India need not sign NPT", there is a sentence that reads: "The amendment to the Bill which seeks exemptions to Atomic Energy Act 1954 to enable US to sell nuclear fuel and technology in return for non-proliferation...(was) defeated in the 50-member House International Relations Committee..."
These are 2 leading newspapers in India. I'm a lay person, but I've been following this India-US nuke deal closely in an effort to understand if Manmohan Singh has grown a backbone of late and I can't decide if he has or he hasn't because these 2 newspapers give me 2 different versions of news. What am I to believe? I have no first-hand information about any of this. I depend entirely on the media to give me "facts" - I didn't watch the news on TV on June 28 to know what THEY were saying - but what's the difference? This already confusing story that I'm trying so hard to keep pace with just got incomprehensible. Have the amendments been approved or defeated? Depends on which newspaper you read, apparently.
What is fact? Fact is what the newspaper you subscribe to tells you.
Moral of Story: Read only one newspaper.
In the June 28, 2006, edition of The New Indian Express, in the story titled "For nuke deal, India need not sign NPT", there is a sentence that reads: "The amendment to the Bill which seeks exemptions to Atomic Energy Act 1954 to enable US to sell nuclear fuel and technology in return for non-proliferation...(was) defeated in the 50-member House International Relations Committee..."
These are 2 leading newspapers in India. I'm a lay person, but I've been following this India-US nuke deal closely in an effort to understand if Manmohan Singh has grown a backbone of late and I can't decide if he has or he hasn't because these 2 newspapers give me 2 different versions of news. What am I to believe? I have no first-hand information about any of this. I depend entirely on the media to give me "facts" - I didn't watch the news on TV on June 28 to know what THEY were saying - but what's the difference? This already confusing story that I'm trying so hard to keep pace with just got incomprehensible. Have the amendments been approved or defeated? Depends on which newspaper you read, apparently.
What is fact? Fact is what the newspaper you subscribe to tells you.
Moral of Story: Read only one newspaper.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Jerold
There was once a man named Jerold
The pessimistic bachelor he was called
For though he had not a care
When asked to let down his hair
He groaned, "If only I wasn't so totally bald..."
The pessimistic bachelor he was called
For though he had not a care
When asked to let down his hair
He groaned, "If only I wasn't so totally bald..."
Sunday, June 18, 2006
10 things you must know if you're a road user in Bangalore
#1. Zebra crossings are for zebras. People will cross 1 cm in front of whatever you're driving.
#2. Autorickshaws are 3 wheelers whose sole purpose of existence is to get in your way.
#3. All cyclists suffer from bipolar disorder. In their manic phase, they will chase buses. In their depressive phase, they will suddenly get off the cycle, carry it, and walk.
#4. When you see a bus in your rearview mirror, pray.
#5. When you see a pothole in front of you, honk - it might move.
#6. Do not swear. Share. You have as much right to the road as the holy cow.
#7. The light will always turn red when you're approaching it at 80 km/h.
#8. A truck's brake will only work after it has hit the object in front of it.
#9. Always tank up. The road you took to work in the morning will turn one-way by the time you return in the evening.
#10. Do not mess with traffic cops. They are from Mars.
#2. Autorickshaws are 3 wheelers whose sole purpose of existence is to get in your way.
#3. All cyclists suffer from bipolar disorder. In their manic phase, they will chase buses. In their depressive phase, they will suddenly get off the cycle, carry it, and walk.
#4. When you see a bus in your rearview mirror, pray.
#5. When you see a pothole in front of you, honk - it might move.
#6. Do not swear. Share. You have as much right to the road as the holy cow.
#7. The light will always turn red when you're approaching it at 80 km/h.
#8. A truck's brake will only work after it has hit the object in front of it.
#9. Always tank up. The road you took to work in the morning will turn one-way by the time you return in the evening.
#10. Do not mess with traffic cops. They are from Mars.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, I salute you
There are 2 reasons bullies get away with bullying: 1. Others let themselves be bullied. 2. Few people can stoop to and stay at the level of an imbecile bully. Both of these are reasons why a psychopath like George Bush can get into a country by deceit, falsehood, and delusions of grandeur, have his bluff called by the whole world, get licked beyond
being able to lick his wounds, and still keep insisting "we're winning" - of course, he's winning - the question is - what exactly is he winning? If he's counting bodies, he's the undisputed king; there's no competition anywhere in the vicinity.
That's why I salute Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, the spunky Iranian President. To me, his defiance of the US President asks the one question that has remained unanswered in the raging debate over Iran's uranium-enrichment policy: Who the hell is Bush to tell Iran what to do? Or for that matter, to tell anyone what to do? Where are the WMDs in Iraq? Where is Osama bin Laden? The answer to these questions is painfully simple: the Iraq war is neither about Saddam Hussein nor about WMDs and the Iranian confrontation is not about uranium enrichment for nuclear purposes which Iran has denied; Iran continues to contend that they're enriching uranium only for civilian energy but if pushed to the wall, they can and will hit back. Seymour Hersh writes in the April 17th (2006) New Yorker: “This is much more than a nuclear issue,” one high-ranking diplomat told me in Vienna. “That’s just a rallying point, and there is still time to fix it. But the Administration believes it cannot be fixed unless they control the hearts and minds of Iran. The real issue is who is going to control the Middle East and its oil in the next ten years.” Now, we're talking.
Bush's foreign policy is an artwork in double standards. His armed forces' human right records are the talk of the globe and these champions of democracy go around setting other people's houses in order. America has befriended some of the world's most repressive regimes when it suits her economic interests. The Americans have created every single Frankenstein from Latin America to the Middle East and then hunted them down with mission accomplished. And they preach to the world about democracy.
America is not answerable to the world that questions its right to run a Guantanamo Bay and an Abu Ghraib from where hundreds of stories continue to pour out every day of people being detained with no charges against them for years on end, of abuse, and of the most degrading treatment man has ever meted out to fellowmen. In the latest revelation, American troops have slaughtered innocent women and children in Haditha in cold blood knowing very well they were civilians, but America's holier-than-thou men and women in uniform, half of who are returning in coffins from their "baby's day out" adventure, will take it as their God-given right to bomb a country, dethrone it's elected President (in the name of Democracy!), and drag him into a trial on charges of human rights violations, among other things! Bush is of course God. And America still claims the right to pre-emptive action in Iran - even after the whole world has seen that his lies and deceit have caused more damage than Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden put together could've hoped to manage in 20 lifetimes.
The problem with America in general and Bush in particular is that they're incredibly ignorant and self-absorbed. America is the world's spoilt brat that demands instant gratification of all its needs regardless of how much it inconveniences its neighbours. As a race, they're brought up on the "I want it and I want it now" principle - even if what they want doesn't rightfully belong to them. America is not the world's policeman -it's the world's pettiest thief. Even the acknowledged saner voices in their population like Thomas Friedman talks about the "sacrifice" of America's young soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. Friedman (Asian Age, June 1, 2006) is outraged with GM because they're offering fuel sops to their clients who will buy a select range of their products. He feels (rightly) that GM is encouraging its customers selfish splurging of fuel when the need of the hour is to conserve it or be prepared to pay higher prices for it. He thinks paying higher prices for fuel is one way of showing his solidarity with his American boys an girls who're bravely "sacrificing" their lives to keep the American flag fluttering on Saddam Hussein's palace. Their sense of self-righteousness and their "with us or against us" rhetoric have pushed the world to the brink of war, but they refuse to see themselves as the problem. In their eyes, America is always the solution even if they're currently the world's greatest jokers with a laughingstock for a President.
The Americans have no knowledge or understanding of other cultures, languages, and what goes on outside America. In fact, they don't even KNOW there's a world outside their own. 60% of American high school graduates can't find Iraq on the world map; forget Iraq, 50% can't even find New York State. That's how myopic and self-absorbed they are. To them, what is good for America should be - had better be - good for the rest of the world. If you don't like it, they'll ram it down your throat. Thank God, the world has people like Ahmedinejad who's throat is a lot more sturdy than, say Manhmohan Singh's.
Day after day, the Iranian President is on people's TV screens around the world exposing and defying the dangerous combination of arrogance and ignorance that Bush is. When the Iranian President offered to come to the table for talks, the ignoramus naturally backed off. Bush doesn't want to talk. Seymour Hersh in The New Yorker (April 17, 2006) "Some operations, apparently aimed in part at intimidating Iran, are already under way. American Naval tactical aircraft, operating from carriers in the Arabian Sea, have been flying simulated nuclear-weapons delivery missions—rapid ascending maneuvers known as “over the shoulder” bombing—since last summer, (a) former official said, within range of Iranian coastal radars."
The other reality is of course, Bush can't talk. Today, the US President cannot match wits with any leader in the world - except of course maybe Blair, the second-in-line dimwit.
being able to lick his wounds, and still keep insisting "we're winning" - of course, he's winning - the question is - what exactly is he winning? If he's counting bodies, he's the undisputed king; there's no competition anywhere in the vicinity.
That's why I salute Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, the spunky Iranian President. To me, his defiance of the US President asks the one question that has remained unanswered in the raging debate over Iran's uranium-enrichment policy: Who the hell is Bush to tell Iran what to do? Or for that matter, to tell anyone what to do? Where are the WMDs in Iraq? Where is Osama bin Laden? The answer to these questions is painfully simple: the Iraq war is neither about Saddam Hussein nor about WMDs and the Iranian confrontation is not about uranium enrichment for nuclear purposes which Iran has denied; Iran continues to contend that they're enriching uranium only for civilian energy but if pushed to the wall, they can and will hit back. Seymour Hersh writes in the April 17th (2006) New Yorker: “This is much more than a nuclear issue,” one high-ranking diplomat told me in Vienna. “That’s just a rallying point, and there is still time to fix it. But the Administration believes it cannot be fixed unless they control the hearts and minds of Iran. The real issue is who is going to control the Middle East and its oil in the next ten years.” Now, we're talking.
Bush's foreign policy is an artwork in double standards. His armed forces' human right records are the talk of the globe and these champions of democracy go around setting other people's houses in order. America has befriended some of the world's most repressive regimes when it suits her economic interests. The Americans have created every single Frankenstein from Latin America to the Middle East and then hunted them down with mission accomplished. And they preach to the world about democracy.
America is not answerable to the world that questions its right to run a Guantanamo Bay and an Abu Ghraib from where hundreds of stories continue to pour out every day of people being detained with no charges against them for years on end, of abuse, and of the most degrading treatment man has ever meted out to fellowmen. In the latest revelation, American troops have slaughtered innocent women and children in Haditha in cold blood knowing very well they were civilians, but America's holier-than-thou men and women in uniform, half of who are returning in coffins from their "baby's day out" adventure, will take it as their God-given right to bomb a country, dethrone it's elected President (in the name of Democracy!), and drag him into a trial on charges of human rights violations, among other things! Bush is of course God. And America still claims the right to pre-emptive action in Iran - even after the whole world has seen that his lies and deceit have caused more damage than Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden put together could've hoped to manage in 20 lifetimes.
The problem with America in general and Bush in particular is that they're incredibly ignorant and self-absorbed. America is the world's spoilt brat that demands instant gratification of all its needs regardless of how much it inconveniences its neighbours. As a race, they're brought up on the "I want it and I want it now" principle - even if what they want doesn't rightfully belong to them. America is not the world's policeman -it's the world's pettiest thief. Even the acknowledged saner voices in their population like Thomas Friedman talks about the "sacrifice" of America's young soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. Friedman (Asian Age, June 1, 2006) is outraged with GM because they're offering fuel sops to their clients who will buy a select range of their products. He feels (rightly) that GM is encouraging its customers selfish splurging of fuel when the need of the hour is to conserve it or be prepared to pay higher prices for it. He thinks paying higher prices for fuel is one way of showing his solidarity with his American boys an girls who're bravely "sacrificing" their lives to keep the American flag fluttering on Saddam Hussein's palace. Their sense of self-righteousness and their "with us or against us" rhetoric have pushed the world to the brink of war, but they refuse to see themselves as the problem. In their eyes, America is always the solution even if they're currently the world's greatest jokers with a laughingstock for a President.
The Americans have no knowledge or understanding of other cultures, languages, and what goes on outside America. In fact, they don't even KNOW there's a world outside their own. 60% of American high school graduates can't find Iraq on the world map; forget Iraq, 50% can't even find New York State. That's how myopic and self-absorbed they are. To them, what is good for America should be - had better be - good for the rest of the world. If you don't like it, they'll ram it down your throat. Thank God, the world has people like Ahmedinejad who's throat is a lot more sturdy than, say Manhmohan Singh's.
Day after day, the Iranian President is on people's TV screens around the world exposing and defying the dangerous combination of arrogance and ignorance that Bush is. When the Iranian President offered to come to the table for talks, the ignoramus naturally backed off. Bush doesn't want to talk. Seymour Hersh in The New Yorker (April 17, 2006) "Some operations, apparently aimed in part at intimidating Iran, are already under way. American Naval tactical aircraft, operating from carriers in the Arabian Sea, have been flying simulated nuclear-weapons delivery missions—rapid ascending maneuvers known as “over the shoulder” bombing—since last summer, (a) former official said, within range of Iranian coastal radars."
The other reality is of course, Bush can't talk. Today, the US President cannot match wits with any leader in the world - except of course maybe Blair, the second-in-line dimwit.
Hersh in The New Yorker: "In a recent essay on the Foreign Policy Web site, entitled “Fool Me Twice,” Joseph Cirincione, the director for nonproliferation at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, wrote, "The unfolding administration strategy appears to be an effort to repeat its successful campaign for the Iraq war.” He noted several parallels: 'The vice president of the United States gives a major speech focused on the threat from an oil-rich nation in the Middle East. The U.S. Secretary of State tells Congress that the same nation is our most serious global challenge. The Secretary of Defense calls that nation the leading supporter of global terrorism.'
Cirincione called some of the Administration’s claims about Iran “questionable” or lacking in evidence. When I spoke to him, he asked, “What do we know? What is the threat? The question is: How urgent is all this?” The answer, he said, “is in the intelligence community and the I.A.E.A.”"
Economically too, America has managed to thrive as a world leader because the Americans have done a splendid job of spreading capitalism and bringing wealth to economies around the world by simply obliterating traditional professions and bulldozing their way into economies while firmly clamping down protectionism policies on their own domestic markets. In their defence, the Americans are generally respectful towards merit. And they're prepared to woo and pamper you to the hilt if they think you have what they want. Once they've pumped billions of dollars into a foreign economy, they'll start re-writing your nuclear policy like they've done with us. It of course helps a lot to have a PM who doesn't know what a backbone is. To him, some white skin will do to bow and scrape - Soniaji or Bushji - they're all the same. Thank God, we're not an oil-rich nation with Manhoman Singh as our PM. Thank God for China and Thank God for Japan.
And Thank God most of all for Ahmedinejad. Till now, Castro was the lone-ranger rebel, but Cuba is treated more as an irritant than a real threat by America. What about Iran? Iran is a great friend to have and a deadly enemy to deal with. Iran to me epitomizes self-respect. The difference between America and Iran is that Iranians are "prepared to die" for what they believe in; Americans are not; they're only prepared to kill others so they can live exactly like they want in an enviroment that is conducive only to America's growth. The US President must now decide whether he can afford an enemy like Iran or would he rather have Ahmedinejad as a friend, but really, that's overestimating his decision-making capabilities.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
You're Invited
Lucky you! I flunked the Account Lead Psychometry...again! Your accounts are now safe. Anyway, that's enough about me. If YOU want to take it up sometime in the future, I've designed this forerunner.....so, you're invited to take the Mock Psychometry to prepare you for the real thing.
It's in 3 parts: Analytical skills, Numerical skills, and English.
Part I - Analytical Skills
1. Peter is Jane's husband's brother's nephew's grandfather.
Jill is Peter's wife's aunt's sister's step-mother (who is Jane, a.k.a. Cinderella's step-mom)
Question: a) Who is Peter to Jill?
b)More importantly, who are you to any of them?
2. Some mice are cats. All cats are donkeys. Therefore:
a) Cats are donkeys with Down's syndrome.
b) We have a strange menagerie here.
c) Mice are people too.
Think, you dunce. If you don't answer these, you'll never know when, for example, NEBMED is slipping out of TAT and you need to add more people on it.
Part II - Numerical Skills
1. A frog is in a 300-foot deep, 40-foot wide well and he's trying to get out. He jumps up 5 inches in an hour and slips back 1 foot. He started doing this in the 19th century. Question: How old will you be when the frog (or his fossil) gets out?
2. X bought a bike for Rs. 800 inclusive of 20% sales tax. He rode it for 45 days at 40 km per hour, 100 km a day. Calculate:
a) How much gas will he need to get himself to the moon on his bike?
b) How many days will he take? Convert to hours.
c) What percentage of his life will he spend doing this? Draw a graph.
d) How much money will he need? In paise and cents only.
Solve this to fine-tune your time zone calculations which will enable you to time your escape when the stats start popping.
Part III - English
1. Grammar:
a) I is fine.
b) What is the singular of mouses?
Question: Are this correct? (brownie points for "singular of mouses")
2. Punctuate correctly: How many legs do a cow have!!!
3. Subject-Verb Agreement:
Why is it wrong to say "I am dead tomorrow"?
a) Because I are still alive tomorrow.
b) Because I is dead yesterday itself.
c) Nothing's wrong - rest in peace.
d) Because I'm going to kill you NOW.
This section will help you communicate better with the Yanks.
About the Test
The psychometry is designed to help determine whether you're good at managing people, your time, and yourself. It's not an IQ test (though the last time I flunked, the testing personnel came all the way to the office to tell me I have the creative intelligence of a retard ant). Go for it, you have nothing to lose except your ego, but that's nothing a good night's sleep (and a shot of cocaine) can't fix.
It's in 3 parts: Analytical skills, Numerical skills, and English.
Part I - Analytical Skills
1. Peter is Jane's husband's brother's nephew's grandfather.
Jill is Peter's wife's aunt's sister's step-mother (who is Jane, a.k.a. Cinderella's step-mom)
Question: a) Who is Peter to Jill?
b)More importantly, who are you to any of them?
2. Some mice are cats. All cats are donkeys. Therefore:
a) Cats are donkeys with Down's syndrome.
b) We have a strange menagerie here.
c) Mice are people too.
Think, you dunce. If you don't answer these, you'll never know when, for example, NEBMED is slipping out of TAT and you need to add more people on it.
Part II - Numerical Skills
1. A frog is in a 300-foot deep, 40-foot wide well and he's trying to get out. He jumps up 5 inches in an hour and slips back 1 foot. He started doing this in the 19th century. Question: How old will you be when the frog (or his fossil) gets out?
2. X bought a bike for Rs. 800 inclusive of 20% sales tax. He rode it for 45 days at 40 km per hour, 100 km a day. Calculate:
a) How much gas will he need to get himself to the moon on his bike?
b) How many days will he take? Convert to hours.
c) What percentage of his life will he spend doing this? Draw a graph.
d) How much money will he need? In paise and cents only.
Solve this to fine-tune your time zone calculations which will enable you to time your escape when the stats start popping.
Part III - English
1. Grammar:
a) I is fine.
b) What is the singular of mouses?
Question: Are this correct? (brownie points for "singular of mouses")
2. Punctuate correctly: How many legs do a cow have!!!
3. Subject-Verb Agreement:
Why is it wrong to say "I am dead tomorrow"?
a) Because I are still alive tomorrow.
b) Because I is dead yesterday itself.
c) Nothing's wrong - rest in peace.
d) Because I'm going to kill you NOW.
This section will help you communicate better with the Yanks.
About the Test
The psychometry is designed to help determine whether you're good at managing people, your time, and yourself. It's not an IQ test (though the last time I flunked, the testing personnel came all the way to the office to tell me I have the creative intelligence of a retard ant). Go for it, you have nothing to lose except your ego, but that's nothing a good night's sleep (and a shot of cocaine) can't fix.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Rajkumar and Ramanna
Fourteen years ago, when we moved into the house we're currently staying in, Ramanna was a pushcart vendor from whom we bought vegetables like everyone else on the street. Through the decade, as things that I never dreamed of became accessible to us, Ramanna became a choice we could eliminate. In 14 years, a lot has changed for us. Our lifestyle has definitely improved, we have choice - with everything. Nothing has changed for Ramanna. He's still a pushcart vendor (with fewer customers) and he's not very hopeful of giving a better life to his children - something that every parent yearns to do. The years sit heavily on Ramanna.
A mob vandalized a Sweet Chariot outlet near my house when Rajkumar died. I wonder if Ramanna's son was part of that mob. He was a Rajkumar fan.
I'm trying very hard to convince myself that if he did it, it was out of senseless grief for his hero - how senseless is this violence, I tell myself very loudly; just like the lakhs of unemployed youth in this city's underbelly who see no hope in their future, came out on the streets and for 2days held that face of the city hostage, which usually keeps this face of the city firmly tucked behind its glamour.
But Guilt is a tough customer - it refuses to be convinced.
A mob vandalized a Sweet Chariot outlet near my house when Rajkumar died. I wonder if Ramanna's son was part of that mob. He was a Rajkumar fan.
I'm trying very hard to convince myself that if he did it, it was out of senseless grief for his hero - how senseless is this violence, I tell myself very loudly; just like the lakhs of unemployed youth in this city's underbelly who see no hope in their future, came out on the streets and for 2days held that face of the city hostage, which usually keeps this face of the city firmly tucked behind its glamour.
But Guilt is a tough customer - it refuses to be convinced.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
At what cost?
One thing that the technology revolution in communication has done is to give everyone access to everyone else's mind. To me, that's one of the greatest achievements in mankind's history. We hear so much about the "global village" (which is now somewhat of a dated cliche -it's given way to Thomas Friedman's "the world is flat"), but most of that talk addresses the tangible - there are more things to buy, there are more things to do in your leisure, there are more places you can afford to see, but I think the real revolution is this intangible - there are more minds to know and only a mind can spark an idea.
We know now, especially here in India that with the right education and opportunity, our talent can compete with the best in the world. It's become possible to know this because every new industry or trade that has been brought into India from the West has sourced local employment to run their profitable outfits. Now, we're being respected - for our minds, for our merit. That's a very hard-won respect - it's easy to respect wealth, it's easy to respect fame, it's very very easy to respect good looks - but to have none of all this and to earn respect through sheer merit is very tough and it's something that we can take great pride in.
For a country that has spent a large amount of time watching from the sidelines and cheering only timidly and rarely, a ringside view can be a heady experience, and if you're actually getting into the ring itself...well, you can't be woozy on your feet for one thing. You cannot also ever afford to take your eyes off, for to do that is to regress which is not only stupid but also dangerous.
That's exactly what we're doing by even entertaining the thought of reservation based on caste. When you begin to even think that quality just maybe tweaked a bit, that's when you're staring danger in the face. The IIMs and IITs are India's face in the world's economy. These institutions' products have got a foot in the door of the global economy. Admission into these institutes on any grounds other than merit will ensure that the door is slammed on India's face....and foot.
The caste system is India's shame. It's also India's reality. Historically, the upper castes had access to a world that was denied to their counterparts in the lower rungs of the caste heirarchy which led to class hatred and kept some sections perpetually in the fringes. It's noble to try and correct that injustice. Reservation, however, is definitely not the solution. The caste system is a social issue - it cannot and must never be allowed into the country's econonmic chapter; by dragging our social dirty linen into a flat world, all we can hope to accomplish is to turn the spotlight on our shame.
The administration's business is to provide cheap or free education and scholarships to all these sections of society - good quality education, but nothing more. Everything else should be achieved solely on merit. Everyone should be allowed to compete and must be made capable of competing - it's the only way a nation can progress, by never ever letting merit take the back seat to anything. When we accommodate people based not on merit but on caste, are we not giving federal sanction to the caste system? What happens to such people? They will not only earn the wrath and hatred of thier fellowmen, they will also never be able to respect themselves - it's demeaning to a human being to tell him that he's unfit to compete with the best, so he's being patronized. It's not helping the individual, the institution, or the nation. What happens to merit itself? Nothing can kill a man's spirit faster than knowing that his mind, no matter how brilliant it is, is not respected.
A brilliant mind without takers is a dangerous mind. If it is allowed to roam free in a society that doesn't respect it, it will gravitate towards other like-minded rejected brilliance; if its fire is greater than its despair, it will find a way to work within the system or if it can so afford, will leave the system and go wherever its spirit can be restored; if its despair is greater than its fire, it will wreak havoc in the society that has caged and denied it - and a genius's havoc cannot be undone by the mediocre to which it has been forced to bow.
We know now, especially here in India that with the right education and opportunity, our talent can compete with the best in the world. It's become possible to know this because every new industry or trade that has been brought into India from the West has sourced local employment to run their profitable outfits. Now, we're being respected - for our minds, for our merit. That's a very hard-won respect - it's easy to respect wealth, it's easy to respect fame, it's very very easy to respect good looks - but to have none of all this and to earn respect through sheer merit is very tough and it's something that we can take great pride in.
For a country that has spent a large amount of time watching from the sidelines and cheering only timidly and rarely, a ringside view can be a heady experience, and if you're actually getting into the ring itself...well, you can't be woozy on your feet for one thing. You cannot also ever afford to take your eyes off, for to do that is to regress which is not only stupid but also dangerous.
That's exactly what we're doing by even entertaining the thought of reservation based on caste. When you begin to even think that quality just maybe tweaked a bit, that's when you're staring danger in the face. The IIMs and IITs are India's face in the world's economy. These institutions' products have got a foot in the door of the global economy. Admission into these institutes on any grounds other than merit will ensure that the door is slammed on India's face....and foot.
The caste system is India's shame. It's also India's reality. Historically, the upper castes had access to a world that was denied to their counterparts in the lower rungs of the caste heirarchy which led to class hatred and kept some sections perpetually in the fringes. It's noble to try and correct that injustice. Reservation, however, is definitely not the solution. The caste system is a social issue - it cannot and must never be allowed into the country's econonmic chapter; by dragging our social dirty linen into a flat world, all we can hope to accomplish is to turn the spotlight on our shame.
The administration's business is to provide cheap or free education and scholarships to all these sections of society - good quality education, but nothing more. Everything else should be achieved solely on merit. Everyone should be allowed to compete and must be made capable of competing - it's the only way a nation can progress, by never ever letting merit take the back seat to anything. When we accommodate people based not on merit but on caste, are we not giving federal sanction to the caste system? What happens to such people? They will not only earn the wrath and hatred of thier fellowmen, they will also never be able to respect themselves - it's demeaning to a human being to tell him that he's unfit to compete with the best, so he's being patronized. It's not helping the individual, the institution, or the nation. What happens to merit itself? Nothing can kill a man's spirit faster than knowing that his mind, no matter how brilliant it is, is not respected.
A brilliant mind without takers is a dangerous mind. If it is allowed to roam free in a society that doesn't respect it, it will gravitate towards other like-minded rejected brilliance; if its fire is greater than its despair, it will find a way to work within the system or if it can so afford, will leave the system and go wherever its spirit can be restored; if its despair is greater than its fire, it will wreak havoc in the society that has caged and denied it - and a genius's havoc cannot be undone by the mediocre to which it has been forced to bow.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Our Comforts and our Passions
Don't you love stories that tell you to chuck it and follow your passion - success stories of all those who dared to risk everything for a momentary lapse of senses and toiled with a laser focus to follow their dream, who met with failure, rejection, hopelessness, and heartbreak but with a sudden divine wink-nudge, began to live exactly the life they wanted. I love to read those stories - because I know I will NEVER have the courage to give up my comforts for my passion.
At work, people tell me almost every day that I should be somewhere else - I should be writing they say. How romantic! How romantic to be able to live your passion - but premature cynicism makes me head first for the "fine print" in all dreams.
There really IS a lot of romanticism built around this "struggle" to pursue your passion - honestly, it doesn't appeal to me. Why, I keep asking myself, should I struggle for my passion? That in itself seems ridiculously masochistic! And what of writing itself - for its own sake and for pleasure? If I had to write to earn my livelihood, if I did this for a living, I'm certain I wouldn't enjoy it as much. When you're paid, it becomes a job, not a passion. And then, there's "passion" itself. I think you're either passionate or you're not - passion is a state of being that you acquire and you strive - very hard - to keep....every day....in everything you do. And then there's the minor detail of bombing - really royally bombing at your "passion" - THAT I think is the real fear that keeps a lot of us from pursuing our passions - it's so much easier to amuse myself with my self-injected boosts of that much maligned phrase "feel good factor" - I love what I write, I write for no one's pleasure but my own...but if I got paid, I'd BETTER write for your pleasure as well and if what I write doesn't exactly send you into raptures of ecstacy - or worse, dunks you into some serious depression - well, that might lead one to develop a brand new passion - like gambling....or alcoholism...or, horror of horrors, that last resort of every also-ran writer..memoirs.
At work, people tell me almost every day that I should be somewhere else - I should be writing they say. How romantic! How romantic to be able to live your passion - but premature cynicism makes me head first for the "fine print" in all dreams.
There really IS a lot of romanticism built around this "struggle" to pursue your passion - honestly, it doesn't appeal to me. Why, I keep asking myself, should I struggle for my passion? That in itself seems ridiculously masochistic! And what of writing itself - for its own sake and for pleasure? If I had to write to earn my livelihood, if I did this for a living, I'm certain I wouldn't enjoy it as much. When you're paid, it becomes a job, not a passion. And then, there's "passion" itself. I think you're either passionate or you're not - passion is a state of being that you acquire and you strive - very hard - to keep....every day....in everything you do. And then there's the minor detail of bombing - really royally bombing at your "passion" - THAT I think is the real fear that keeps a lot of us from pursuing our passions - it's so much easier to amuse myself with my self-injected boosts of that much maligned phrase "feel good factor" - I love what I write, I write for no one's pleasure but my own...but if I got paid, I'd BETTER write for your pleasure as well and if what I write doesn't exactly send you into raptures of ecstacy - or worse, dunks you into some serious depression - well, that might lead one to develop a brand new passion - like gambling....or alcoholism...or, horror of horrors, that last resort of every also-ran writer..memoirs.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
9549
Twenty-one years ago, Daddy drove him in to our squeals of delight. My twin and I took to him immediately. The last of the original Fiat model, when we brought him home, he was already 15 years old - add 21 to 15 - ever heard of a 36-YEAR-OLD CAR!?! 9549 was 36 years old, 21 of those birthdays happened with us.
I know cars these days come with loads of 'extras' and a cassette player is passe - but it wasn't 21 years ago. My twin and I loved music with a passion (still do!) and a player in the car was a novel luxury. It became a ritual to spend a couple of hours in the car each week with the windows rolled up or down depending on the season running our favourite tapes over and over till we busted them. We pestered mummy and daddy to takes us on drives and we drove around without a destination simply humming or singing along.
We ate in the car, we drank countless cups of steaming coffee in it, we had tons of icecream parked outside Lakeview, we studied in the car, we fought and we made up in the car. We also earned pocket money from Daddy washing it! The weeks we needed extra money, we gave it an extra wash - 9549 taught us the value of cash.
The years (and our infamous roads) began to wear him down. I guess we all knew at the back of our minds we would have to say goodbye soon. Sometimes I resented 9549 for not being what he used to be - he represented a lost time that we sometimes desperately want to go back to.
Two weeks ago, Daddy drove him out for the last time from our garage. It was hard to hold back the tears. I don't know who'll touch him next, but he carries a lot of precious memories...
I know cars these days come with loads of 'extras' and a cassette player is passe - but it wasn't 21 years ago. My twin and I loved music with a passion (still do!) and a player in the car was a novel luxury. It became a ritual to spend a couple of hours in the car each week with the windows rolled up or down depending on the season running our favourite tapes over and over till we busted them. We pestered mummy and daddy to takes us on drives and we drove around without a destination simply humming or singing along.
We ate in the car, we drank countless cups of steaming coffee in it, we had tons of icecream parked outside Lakeview, we studied in the car, we fought and we made up in the car. We also earned pocket money from Daddy washing it! The weeks we needed extra money, we gave it an extra wash - 9549 taught us the value of cash.
The years (and our infamous roads) began to wear him down. I guess we all knew at the back of our minds we would have to say goodbye soon. Sometimes I resented 9549 for not being what he used to be - he represented a lost time that we sometimes desperately want to go back to.
Two weeks ago, Daddy drove him out for the last time from our garage. It was hard to hold back the tears. I don't know who'll touch him next, but he carries a lot of precious memories...
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
* *B R E A K I N G N E W S* *
This is to inform you that a revised and improved Overtime and Conveyance Policy has been posted on our Intranet. As you all know, we're in a perpetual crisis. Everyone knows this - you know, your parents know, your spouses know (or is it spice?!?...anyway...), your children know (if you have kids at home who're just learning to talk, the first word they'll utter will probably be 'crisis' - do not be alarmed) - practically the whole city knows because our vans are zipping around in a tizzy. So, in order to encourage you to clock in extra hours, we revisited our OT and Con (short for conveyance - please don't get any ideas) Policy.
How you access this is: You log into Bee Mine, wait for 2 hours; click on HR Manual, wait for 2 hours; click on Policies, wait for 2 hours (please don't forget to work while you're doing all this waiting), click on Overtime and Conveyance Policy....and come back tomorrow and read it. Because you can only read it tomorrow, the policy has been summed up here briefly.
Overtime Policy
Remains unchanged. You'll be paid the same rate per hour that you've always been paid. This is in keeping with our motto: "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got."
Conveyance Policy
For overtime upto 4 hours: Use your own conveyance and we'll reimburse you - at actuals or lesser (whichever is lesser.)
For OT upto 8 hours: OT vans will be provided (please bring your own driver).
For OT upto 16 hours: OT ambulances will be provided (please carry your medical insurance papers on your person.)
For OT greater than 16 hours: In-house IV drips and soft pleasant music will be provided.
Other Floor Luxuries
For overtime upto 4 hours: A good OT system will be provided. At the end of 4 hours, security will call a rick for you if you're without wheels. If you have wheels, valet services will be provided (please ensure that your vehicle is insured.)
For OT upto 8 hours: A good OT system and fresh orange juice will be provided. Security will escort you into your van and strap you into your seat (new seat belts have been added in all vans.)
For OT upto 16 hours: A good OT system, fresh orange juice, and four 50-50 biscuits will be provided. Stretcher will be brought to your workstation and you'll be peeled from your chair and carried down on the stretcher into your OT ambulance. If you're embarrassed riding downstairs lying in the stretcher, you may sit up and crack jokes.
For OT greater than 16 hours: See under Conveyance Policy 'For OT greater than 16 hours.' In addition, one member of your family will be allowed on the floor to hold your hand and cry.
If any part of this is not clear, please write to us or come up and meet us and we'll fire you on the spot because, c'mon, if you can't understand something this simple, it's no wonder we're perpetually in a crisis....let's roll, folks!
How you access this is: You log into Bee Mine, wait for 2 hours; click on HR Manual, wait for 2 hours; click on Policies, wait for 2 hours (please don't forget to work while you're doing all this waiting), click on Overtime and Conveyance Policy....and come back tomorrow and read it. Because you can only read it tomorrow, the policy has been summed up here briefly.
Overtime Policy
Remains unchanged. You'll be paid the same rate per hour that you've always been paid. This is in keeping with our motto: "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got."
Conveyance Policy
For overtime upto 4 hours: Use your own conveyance and we'll reimburse you - at actuals or lesser (whichever is lesser.)
For OT upto 8 hours: OT vans will be provided (please bring your own driver).
For OT upto 16 hours: OT ambulances will be provided (please carry your medical insurance papers on your person.)
For OT greater than 16 hours: In-house IV drips and soft pleasant music will be provided.
Other Floor Luxuries
For overtime upto 4 hours: A good OT system will be provided. At the end of 4 hours, security will call a rick for you if you're without wheels. If you have wheels, valet services will be provided (please ensure that your vehicle is insured.)
For OT upto 8 hours: A good OT system and fresh orange juice will be provided. Security will escort you into your van and strap you into your seat (new seat belts have been added in all vans.)
For OT upto 16 hours: A good OT system, fresh orange juice, and four 50-50 biscuits will be provided. Stretcher will be brought to your workstation and you'll be peeled from your chair and carried down on the stretcher into your OT ambulance. If you're embarrassed riding downstairs lying in the stretcher, you may sit up and crack jokes.
For OT greater than 16 hours: See under Conveyance Policy 'For OT greater than 16 hours.' In addition, one member of your family will be allowed on the floor to hold your hand and cry.
If any part of this is not clear, please write to us or come up and meet us and we'll fire you on the spot because, c'mon, if you can't understand something this simple, it's no wonder we're perpetually in a crisis....let's roll, folks!
Monday, January 23, 2006
Employer Satisfaction Survey
You've all participated/will participate/are participating in the Employee Satisfaction Survey. This one's its counterpart - The Employer Satisfaction Survey. Afterall, unless we're satisfied, you can't be.
Dollops has agreed to join hands with us to conduct this exercise. Dollops, as you all know, is a 150-year-old icecream manufacturing company located in Alaska (that's the state Russia sold to America a century before any of you were born. Trust the wily Russians to get rid of a lot of ice and make a profit in the bargain....anyway, that's a different story). Dollops is located in Alaska because they don't need to buy freezers there - and they get Eskimo labour. The Eskimos still believe that the world runs on barter system.
Please take the time to complete this. Please be honest. Be critical. Everything is confidential (everybody will read everything, but no one will say anything, okay?) We're not vindictive (but we reserve the right to raise your projection to 1650 and if you don't hit that number, we reserve the right to give you a golden handshake and tell you to 'ged the hell outtta here' because, hey, c'mon, deep down we're still a Yankee joint and remember Texas is running the show now.
Every question has at least four options. No right or wrong answers. Pick the one that reflects your sentiments best.
1. Do you like HS?
A. Of course ! It's the only place to be.
B. Of course ! HS rocks.
C. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
D. So all together, let's hear it once more, "I LOVE HS"
2. Do you like the food?
A. Sure! It's top class.
B. Sure! It's 5-star.
C. Sure! It's top class and 5-star.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
3. Do you like the chairs?
A. Yes ! It makes me feel like a King sitting on his throne.
B. Yes. When I'm bored, I can spin around and go "owheeeee..."
C. I like blue chairs the best.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
4. Do you like your payslip?
A. Yes. I became a millionaire after coming here.
B. Yes. I love to be in the BPL category - it's not everyday that you get to be associated with a famous abbreviation.
C. NO. I'd like a 25 paisa raise.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
5. How often do you think you need a payhike?
A. Never.
B. Everytime Haley's comet whizzes past us.
C. This is a joke - HA HA- you may laugh.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
6. What about quality? Do you think we're doing enough to ensure no one is getting sued 10,000 miles away?
A. Of course ! We're afterall an ISI Agent...sorry, ISO Company.
B. 98% of us believe that 80% of the time 95% of our reports are 100% accurate.
C. You may juggle the above numbers as you please.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
7. What about quantity?
A. Yeah! What about it?
B. We sweep the board - gold, silver, and bronze.
C. Yes.
D. Very much.
E. Thank you.
You're done. Thank you for your time. We've covered everything we can think of here. If there's something we didn't think of, it's not worth thinking about, so you don't think about it either. But we're really an open-door, big-happy-family, all-are-welcome company, so in keeping with our democratic tradition, you may send us hate mail at out-of-office@goodbye.com
The last time Dollops was here, everyone cribbed about the selection process for everything - projects, promotions, rewards, punishments, who gets to be outriders for the Terry Fox run - EVERYTHING. We're happy to announce Dollops has found a solution, one that's startling in its simplicity. We're hanging this sign from an Irish pub on our front door: "This is our back door. Our front door is at the back." With this, all back door entries are now official. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
Dollops has agreed to join hands with us to conduct this exercise. Dollops, as you all know, is a 150-year-old icecream manufacturing company located in Alaska (that's the state Russia sold to America a century before any of you were born. Trust the wily Russians to get rid of a lot of ice and make a profit in the bargain....anyway, that's a different story). Dollops is located in Alaska because they don't need to buy freezers there - and they get Eskimo labour. The Eskimos still believe that the world runs on barter system.
Please take the time to complete this. Please be honest. Be critical. Everything is confidential (everybody will read everything, but no one will say anything, okay?) We're not vindictive (but we reserve the right to raise your projection to 1650 and if you don't hit that number, we reserve the right to give you a golden handshake and tell you to 'ged the hell outtta here' because, hey, c'mon, deep down we're still a Yankee joint and remember Texas is running the show now.
Every question has at least four options. No right or wrong answers. Pick the one that reflects your sentiments best.
1. Do you like HS?
A. Of course ! It's the only place to be.
B. Of course ! HS rocks.
C. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
D. So all together, let's hear it once more, "I LOVE HS"
2. Do you like the food?
A. Sure! It's top class.
B. Sure! It's 5-star.
C. Sure! It's top class and 5-star.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
3. Do you like the chairs?
A. Yes ! It makes me feel like a King sitting on his throne.
B. Yes. When I'm bored, I can spin around and go "owheeeee..."
C. I like blue chairs the best.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
4. Do you like your payslip?
A. Yes. I became a millionaire after coming here.
B. Yes. I love to be in the BPL category - it's not everyday that you get to be associated with a famous abbreviation.
C. NO. I'd like a 25 paisa raise.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
5. How often do you think you need a payhike?
A. Never.
B. Everytime Haley's comet whizzes past us.
C. This is a joke - HA HA- you may laugh.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
6. What about quality? Do you think we're doing enough to ensure no one is getting sued 10,000 miles away?
A. Of course ! We're afterall an ISI Agent...sorry, ISO Company.
B. 98% of us believe that 80% of the time 95% of our reports are 100% accurate.
C. You may juggle the above numbers as you please.
D. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
7. What about quantity?
A. Yeah! What about it?
B. We sweep the board - gold, silver, and bronze.
C. Yes.
D. Very much.
E. Thank you.
You're done. Thank you for your time. We've covered everything we can think of here. If there's something we didn't think of, it's not worth thinking about, so you don't think about it either. But we're really an open-door, big-happy-family, all-are-welcome company, so in keeping with our democratic tradition, you may send us hate mail at out-of-office@goodbye.com
The last time Dollops was here, everyone cribbed about the selection process for everything - projects, promotions, rewards, punishments, who gets to be outriders for the Terry Fox run - EVERYTHING. We're happy to announce Dollops has found a solution, one that's startling in its simplicity. We're hanging this sign from an Irish pub on our front door: "This is our back door. Our front door is at the back." With this, all back door entries are now official. Yes. Very much. Thank you.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Who Are You?
I'm not what you would call gadget-savvy (give me a Remington typewriter any day). Here's why: I've logged in with my password, terminator (really, that's my password) for as long as I can remember (and here's my user ID: Harry. Go on, make my day). My computer usually welcomes me with this message: "Good Morning Harry Terminator. Have you told your neighbour about our referral scheme ? If your neighbour joins us, we'll give you 30 paise extra for every line you post within the next 3-1/2 minutes !!!! Tell your neighbour now, Harry !!! TELL !!!" to which I would smile coyly and reply, "no, really, I can't take advantage of your generosity." And thus, life went on. Imagine my shock then, when one day I logged in as usual and my computer asked me "Who are you?" What a question ! How am I supposed to know !?! Those of you who know the answer to the question "Who Are You?", raise your legs.......There ! Not a single leg ! Some questions are best left unanswered.....or even unasked.
Anyway, after much cajoling and coaxing and threatening, I discovered that my computer wanted me to change my password......Oh ! Did I tell you my password is 'terminator' ? Sorry ! I changed it. It's now 'exterminator' (and you can still make my day because my user ID is still 'Arnold' - I haven't changed that). I also discovered that, like everything else, my computer too was made in China, and that terrified the living daylights out of me. The Chinese (in competition with the Japs) make phones that can take your picture, double up as a computer, sing songs for you, send messages to your neighbour who's sitting less than half a foot away, play games, and in some cases, even shoot you if you press the wrong buttons long enough. You can also make calls (if you have the time). I have one such phone....at home.....somewhere.....I'm saving money to buy a microscope to look for it. Anyway, that's why I'm not gadget-savvy. In fact, I'm petrified of anything that vaguely resembles buttons.
Addendum: The Japs will wait for the Chinese to come up with the inventions and then simply buy the company and patent the products and run around claiming it's theirs. (Unrelated to any of the above, an addendum literally means 'add' to the 'end'.....'ummm' - as in 'this is an after-thought').
Moral of Story: Learn Chinese. Your next TL will be Made in China.
Anyway, after much cajoling and coaxing and threatening, I discovered that my computer wanted me to change my password......Oh ! Did I tell you my password is 'terminator' ? Sorry ! I changed it. It's now 'exterminator' (and you can still make my day because my user ID is still 'Arnold' - I haven't changed that). I also discovered that, like everything else, my computer too was made in China, and that terrified the living daylights out of me. The Chinese (in competition with the Japs) make phones that can take your picture, double up as a computer, sing songs for you, send messages to your neighbour who's sitting less than half a foot away, play games, and in some cases, even shoot you if you press the wrong buttons long enough. You can also make calls (if you have the time). I have one such phone....at home.....somewhere.....I'm saving money to buy a microscope to look for it. Anyway, that's why I'm not gadget-savvy. In fact, I'm petrified of anything that vaguely resembles buttons.
Addendum: The Japs will wait for the Chinese to come up with the inventions and then simply buy the company and patent the products and run around claiming it's theirs. (Unrelated to any of the above, an addendum literally means 'add' to the 'end'.....'ummm' - as in 'this is an after-thought').
Moral of Story: Learn Chinese. Your next TL will be Made in China.
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