This is to inform you that a revised and improved Overtime and Conveyance Policy has been posted on our Intranet. As you all know, we're in a perpetual crisis. Everyone knows this - you know, your parents know, your spouses know (or is it spice?!?...anyway...), your children know (if you have kids at home who're just learning to talk, the first word they'll utter will probably be 'crisis' - do not be alarmed) - practically the whole city knows because our vans are zipping around in a tizzy. So, in order to encourage you to clock in extra hours, we revisited our OT and Con (short for conveyance - please don't get any ideas) Policy.
How you access this is: You log into Bee Mine, wait for 2 hours; click on HR Manual, wait for 2 hours; click on Policies, wait for 2 hours (please don't forget to work while you're doing all this waiting), click on Overtime and Conveyance Policy....and come back tomorrow and read it. Because you can only read it tomorrow, the policy has been summed up here briefly.
Overtime Policy
Remains unchanged. You'll be paid the same rate per hour that you've always been paid. This is in keeping with our motto: "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got."
Conveyance Policy
For overtime upto 4 hours: Use your own conveyance and we'll reimburse you - at actuals or lesser (whichever is lesser.)
For OT upto 8 hours: OT vans will be provided (please bring your own driver).
For OT upto 16 hours: OT ambulances will be provided (please carry your medical insurance papers on your person.)
For OT greater than 16 hours: In-house IV drips and soft pleasant music will be provided.
Other Floor Luxuries
For overtime upto 4 hours: A good OT system will be provided. At the end of 4 hours, security will call a rick for you if you're without wheels. If you have wheels, valet services will be provided (please ensure that your vehicle is insured.)
For OT upto 8 hours: A good OT system and fresh orange juice will be provided. Security will escort you into your van and strap you into your seat (new seat belts have been added in all vans.)
For OT upto 16 hours: A good OT system, fresh orange juice, and four 50-50 biscuits will be provided. Stretcher will be brought to your workstation and you'll be peeled from your chair and carried down on the stretcher into your OT ambulance. If you're embarrassed riding downstairs lying in the stretcher, you may sit up and crack jokes.
For OT greater than 16 hours: See under Conveyance Policy 'For OT greater than 16 hours.' In addition, one member of your family will be allowed on the floor to hold your hand and cry.
If any part of this is not clear, please write to us or come up and meet us and we'll fire you on the spot because, c'mon, if you can't understand something this simple, it's no wonder we're perpetually in a crisis....let's roll, folks!
