Cell phones - mobile devices with which you can take pictures, listen to music, record events, send messages, play games, check your email, calculate sums, and watch a cricket match (if you're still interested). You can also make calls.
China - an Asian country that's so big, it's everybody's neighbour and nobody's friend. Having gotten a foot in the door of the world's economy, the Chinese are now in the active process of breaking down the door. From closet capitalists to closet socialists to plain in your closet, 'Made in China' is now a somebody-stop-me label on a 'the world is not enough' tour.
Cuba - a Caribbean Jerry that is a perpetual thorn in Uncle Tom's flesh. America's 4-decade embargo on Cuba makes U.S. trade with the island illegal. It's illegal for U.S. citizens to vist the island and for U.S. individuals or companies to do business there. In short, it's illegal for America or Americans to do anything with or in Cuba except run Guantanomo Bay. America's stated objective for the embargo is to bring (surprise, surprise) democracy to Cuba which (surprise, surprise, surprise) it has failed to do. Recently, large oil reserves have been found in North Cuba, now Tom suddenly wants to be Jerry's friend.
Venezuela - Cuba's new-found oil-rich friend that supplies around 80,000 barrels of oil a day to Cuba which has helped make the embargo look like a long-running boring Hollywood flick that no one is watching. Venezuela has given the world many beauty queens and is a country where people keep chasing one another around the office block to become head of state. Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez has grabbed countless hours of air time calling President Bush colourful names including "the devil" in a speech at the UN General Assembly which was met with "wild applause" in the Assembly and severe condemnation in the U.S.
Rediffmail - an email service whose users belong to a large, happy, close-knit spamily where everyone is on first (and only) name basis. Rediffmail users can live their entire life within its inbox where they can shop, get a degree, go abroad, buy tickets, buy books, sell auto parts and body parts, buy movies, music, houses, insurance, hire, get hired, make friends, become a star, get married - all at bargain rates in limited offers.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Sunday, April 08, 2007
A Brief History of Some Things that Bill Bryson left out
Volume 1 in an unknown-number series of a dictionary cum atlas cum encyclopedia
Summer - Long ago, summer was one of 4 seasons - the other 3 being winter, monsoon, and spring. Over the years, they all merged and became one season called Famine. But people the world over, didn't want a season called Famine - which is a combination of 'fashion' and 'feminine.' A few wars later, Afghansistan which was the only country that wanted the season to be called 'Famine,' gave up its demand after incessant bombings caused the country's first floods that had a free run in the territory simply because there was nothing and no one left standing to stop it and it was agreed unanimously to call this season Summer. There are varying degrees of Summer:
Mild Summer
Please-wring-my-blouse-again Summer
Have-you-caught-fire-yet? Summer and
Do-not-disturb, I'm-in-coma Summer
Bangalore - Not too long ago, Bangalore was India's prettiest city with an abundance of lakes, fountains, gardens, and a lovely climate. It changed all too quickly. Now, despite signboards at entry points being repainted "NOT Welcome to Bangalore" people continue to pour into this little city making it the world's largest open public toilet where everyone is driving around trying to park their cars, where there are more globs of spit than there are people, and where walking its streets is recommended only for contact sports fans.
Singapore - a squeaky clean city-state where long jump is banned in schools - the kids might fall into the sea or into Malaysia which just might be the third World War trigger. Singapore is apparently the most "business-friendly economy" in the world - it should be - Singapore's national passtime/national sport is shopping.
Japan - a work in progress quite literally with a population of extremely hard working people who never leave their assembly lines even when the earth shakes them up which it does every 5 minutes; they just smile, bow, and slow down. Tokyo, the capital of Japan, is the world's costliest city and built to survive any sort of earthquake - there's no place for people or buildings to fall.
Iran - a spunky little country where the star-spangled banner is the chief combustible material. It also produces oil and can toss a bomb quite far. When Iran recently released 15 British Navy personnel from custody for reasons unknown (of custody, not release), oil prices nose-dived indicating its power and clout in the world economy.
Iraq - Iran's neighbour and friend turned foe turned friend turned foe turned...also mighty spunky. The only country in the world where there are more human bombs than human beings which has left everyone (except America) wondering what OTHER weapons of mass destruction George Bush is looking for. Some people believe he's searching for Dick Cheney.
United States of America - the friendly neighbourhood rogue elephant that won't get out of your backyard, the USA's chief hobby is to create, protect, and destroy its own creations. A largely bored, ADHD-suffering population with a collective attention span of 2 seconds, America loves democracy but can't spell it, wants all the world's oil but won't pay for it, and is burning up the ozone faster than it's burning up Iraq but--like with Iraq--refuses to fix it. America also makes people rich and forgives them for some time for being rich because of it. The original master of hype, America is the only country in the world with its own tagline: "Coming soon to a theater near you!"
Summer - Long ago, summer was one of 4 seasons - the other 3 being winter, monsoon, and spring. Over the years, they all merged and became one season called Famine. But people the world over, didn't want a season called Famine - which is a combination of 'fashion' and 'feminine.' A few wars later, Afghansistan which was the only country that wanted the season to be called 'Famine,' gave up its demand after incessant bombings caused the country's first floods that had a free run in the territory simply because there was nothing and no one left standing to stop it and it was agreed unanimously to call this season Summer. There are varying degrees of Summer:
Mild Summer
Please-wring-my-blouse-again Summer
Have-you-caught-fire-yet? Summer and
Do-not-disturb, I'm-in-coma Summer
Bangalore - Not too long ago, Bangalore was India's prettiest city with an abundance of lakes, fountains, gardens, and a lovely climate. It changed all too quickly. Now, despite signboards at entry points being repainted "NOT Welcome to Bangalore" people continue to pour into this little city making it the world's largest open public toilet where everyone is driving around trying to park their cars, where there are more globs of spit than there are people, and where walking its streets is recommended only for contact sports fans.
Singapore - a squeaky clean city-state where long jump is banned in schools - the kids might fall into the sea or into Malaysia which just might be the third World War trigger. Singapore is apparently the most "business-friendly economy" in the world - it should be - Singapore's national passtime/national sport is shopping.
Japan - a work in progress quite literally with a population of extremely hard working people who never leave their assembly lines even when the earth shakes them up which it does every 5 minutes; they just smile, bow, and slow down. Tokyo, the capital of Japan, is the world's costliest city and built to survive any sort of earthquake - there's no place for people or buildings to fall.
Iran - a spunky little country where the star-spangled banner is the chief combustible material. It also produces oil and can toss a bomb quite far. When Iran recently released 15 British Navy personnel from custody for reasons unknown (of custody, not release), oil prices nose-dived indicating its power and clout in the world economy.
Iraq - Iran's neighbour and friend turned foe turned friend turned foe turned...also mighty spunky. The only country in the world where there are more human bombs than human beings which has left everyone (except America) wondering what OTHER weapons of mass destruction George Bush is looking for. Some people believe he's searching for Dick Cheney.
United States of America - the friendly neighbourhood rogue elephant that won't get out of your backyard, the USA's chief hobby is to create, protect, and destroy its own creations. A largely bored, ADHD-suffering population with a collective attention span of 2 seconds, America loves democracy but can't spell it, wants all the world's oil but won't pay for it, and is burning up the ozone faster than it's burning up Iraq but--like with Iraq--refuses to fix it. America also makes people rich and forgives them for some time for being rich because of it. The original master of hype, America is the only country in the world with its own tagline: "Coming soon to a theater near you!"
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