Conversations

It was the in thing. Everybody did it and so did I. At the end of it, all of us had the same embossed certificate - AWARDED FOR THE SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF 'ART OF CONVERSATION AND UNDERSTANDING'. As I held the certificate unable to decide what I should feel, I saw someone I recognised from the neighbourhood. He was a queer being. Never spoke much, glared at everyone, and walked around menacingly. Some said he practised witchcraft; others said that was not strange - the whole world was doing it.

Anyway, a man had been murdered in our locality. Naturally, everyone was excited. One heard nothing else the whole day, so though surprised, I was not shocked when my neighbourhood apparition spoke:
HE: The knife was stuck into the forehead.
ME: And I heard there was froth all over the face.
HE: (Triumphantly) We licked it. I carved out the eye for myself. Most of the froth had settled there. Lucky! (he smacked his lips)
The bile rose in me and my legs turned to jelly and lead at the same time.
ME: (Weakly) Didn't you feel sick?
HE: You're joking! I managed to grab the hair....
I SCREAM...
HE: Delicious! It was dripping with the reddest blo....
I SCRRREEAMM....
HE: (Looking annoyed) But my friend got the whole tongue. Would've enjoyed a piece myself.
The scream never came and my stomach heaved.
HE: (Concerned) You look a little pale. The ear would've undoubtedly cured you (shrugs)....your loss (then, suddenly excited) The gums! How could I have forgotten the gums!! It was.....
I SCREEEEEEEAAAAMMMMMM
HE: (Impatiently) We'll have to do something about yoru screams...
I SSCCC....RRRRR....EEEEE.....AAAA....MMMMMMM
HE: (Suspciously) You're not jealous, are you..
ME: (Horrified) No! NO!
HE: You should be!
I dig my nails into my palm (to keep from screaming) till it bleeds.
HE: (Aghast) Your palms are bleeding!!
Now, I SCREEEAAMM.....HE SCREAMS.....
ME: (Shakily) But you're not scared of blood!!!??!!
HE: No, I'm not scared.....I'm TERRIFIED!
ME: But the hair you said was dripping with....
HE: (Perplexed) Bloody Mary? So what?
ME: (Wildly) The froth....!?!?
HE: (More perplexed) Champagne? So WHAT?
ME: (Hysterically) You ATE A FACE!!! You can't be....
HE: The B'day cake!?!? SO WHAAT?????
We stare at each other. We SSCCCRRREEEAAAMMMMM...
I stare down at my certificate stupidly and look at him. He's staring into his own folder. I look in and see an embossed certificate: AWARDED FOR THE SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF 'ART OF CONVERSATION AND UNDERSTANDING'.