By George! It's Osama!

In what is being touted as the mother of all coups d'etat in the living memory of mankind, Osama Bin Laden has replaced George Bush as the President of America in a bloodless power transfer. One of Osama's trusted lieutenants went live on CNN to announce to a gasping world that Osama out of "generosity of spirit" decided to rid the American people in particular and mankind in general of the "war-mongering dimwit." Apparently, Dick Cheney continues to be vice president till such time that he can be located, identified, and stripped of his post. President Fidel Castro became the first head of state to congratulate the new president.

Bin Laden has managed to deal a body blow to Republicans and Democrats alike with his astounding announcement that he enlisted the help of former President Bill Clinton for his unchallenged takeover. "Bill was the natural choice in our campaign to restore dignity to the office of the president," Osama told the gathering of correspondents. Bill Clinton was unavailable for comment.

Former President of the United States of Iraq, Saddam Hussein, dissolved into peals of uncontrolled laughter when asked to comment on the developments and had to be helped into his car by his bodyguards.

After close to 6 years of running around like a headless chicken and multiple occasions of shooting himself in the foot, President Bush had proved beyond reasonable doubt that he was America's only president to have been both a stand-up comic and a walking menace at the same time. Even the most eccentric presidents in the past have earned only one of the two sobriquets during their tenure.

Bin Laden's first task is apparently to bring the former president to justice for his crimes against humanity. An astonishing 386 crimes have been attributed to Bush including letting loose Dick Cheney and Arnold Unspellable-Last-Name on an unsuspecting American public - "A nerve gas would be less lethal," Osama has been quoted as saying. When asked to comment, Jeb Bush said, "I want a re-count."

When one of the reporters asked Osama where he had been all this time, the president fixed him with a chilling stare and dead-panned, "Right here...all this time."

When asked for his reaction, Jacques Chirac smirked, "Did you ask Tony?" Meanwhile, the BBC reports that Tony Blair has offered to volunatrily give up his office "to anyone of Usama's choice" in exchange for safe passage into Trinidad and Tobago. "One is annoyed," was all Prince Charles would say. The BBC will air a 1-hour discussion with a panel of eminent journalists to decide whether the Prince is annoyed with Blair, Bin Laden, or Bush (5:30 GMT).

Around the world, reactions have ranged from "shock and awe" to outright disbelief. "I don't believe it, matey," the Australian premier drawled, "but if it's true, congratulations to both of them - at last they found each other. I suppose, now we can all get on with our lives," the jolly premier finished. India and Pakistan are having a joint closed-door meeting to decide how they should react.

President Bush apparently hightailed it from his Texas ranch when news reached him that the White House had a new occupant. "A manhunt is on for the fugitive. Briefing's over" Osama said before walking back into his new office followed by a lady looking distinctly like Hillary Clinton.