Most Significant Event of 2004

President George W (as in Way to go!) Bush's reelection: Thanks to a forgetably obscure campaign by John What's-His-Name, President Bush is back in the driver's seat for another joy ride. So, sit back, ladies and gentlemen, for 4 more years of drunken driving. By the way, DUIs are now legal in America. Driving under the influence of - well, certainly not Diet Coke - has never been this much fun. As the rebel without a cause gets ready for his January swearing (make that "swearing-in" if you're very particular), America's Intelligence Chief Porter Goss (that's his real name!) has a major problem on his hands - in his own words: "Now where did we put Cheney?" Apparently, Porter Goss (pronounced Tee Hee) and his men locked up blink-and-you'll-miss-me Cheney in a bunker at an undisclosed location and threw away the keys. Now, no one can remember where they put him. He could be anywhere, from Abu Ghraib to Guantanamo Bay - they've been so busy locking up people of late - and he doesn't even know yet that he's still Veep because the one thing Goss' men are certain of is that there was no television in that bunker. Dubya is, however, confident Cheney will show up "on someone's radar" when his ICD reaches its elective replacement indicator.

Meanwhile, Mama Bush is planning a book release. The book was jointly co-authored by her husband, the real McCoy. Titled "Grow Up, Junior" the book has been signed by 131 heads of state excluding the Japanese Emperor who's still sulking over Junior's refusal to endorse the Kyoto Treaty. In what is fast heading to be a decade-long sulk, the Emperor bowed deeply and refused to sign. He hasn't forgotten Hiroshima either, and he wasn't exactly thrilled with the Bobby Fischer fiasco too (he has some serious problems, this Emperor), especially the insinuation that Fischer was hiding all these years in Japan. Japan is roughly as big as my office lunchroom. Where do you hide in Japan?!? Bobby Fischer (to jog your memory) defied mighty Uncle Sam to travel to Yugoslavia (now it's called something else, and it's somewhere else) in 1992 to play chess with Boris Spassky. When US authorities served notice on him for violating a ban, he did the sanest thing he could think of: He spat on the paper and tore it up and told them, very calmly, to take a hike. He then continued with his chess. Then, he got married and went to Japan to live happily ever after. Japan let him in only because of his new bride. Chivalry, as we all know, is dead everywhere else except in Japan.

Anyway, back to the book. When asked by reporters what she would do differently if she had a second chance at raising her son, Mama Bush said, rather quaintly, "well, I'd be more careful, you know. He's been dropped on his head more than a couple of times when he was little." Now, there's an honest confession that explains a LOT of things.

The other significant event of 2004 was the naming of the Madurai Meenakshi temple in India as one of the Wonders of the World. So, India's contribution to the Wonders of the World is now the Taj, the Temple, and Lalu Prasad Yadav. Let's drink to that! Cheers! And Happy New Year, Everyone.