Like millions of watching fans around the globe, what I'd hoped to see was a legend walk off the field to tears, cheers, and thunderous applause for giving us some of our best sporting moments in soccer history. Instead, what we got was an errant school boy being marched off the field to an ignominous exit - it's not how Zizou's fans want to remember him, yet that one silly, uncalled for gesture is being played and replayed across TV screens a day after Italy shot their way into football history as World Champions 2006.
A usually unflappable Zidane turned on Materazzi charging him like a mad bull, knocking the stunned Italian down (I'm sure the shock kept the guy down on the pitch more than anything else) and earning himself the refree's rightful ire. And that's how Zinedine Zidane bade farewell to millions of his agahst fans. By descending from the sublime to the ridiculous.
Oh well...it was a human moment, an ugly one, but nevertheless human.
Zizou, we still love you...
Monday, July 10, 2006
Sunday, July 09, 2006
The Final Countdown!
We're 6-1/2 hours away from the World Cup final.
Italy is my favourite team but Zizou is my favourite player and I'm torn between them! Who should I root for?
Whatever happens, Cheers Zizou, you're a winner!
Italy is my favourite team but Zizou is my favourite player and I'm torn between them! Who should I root for?
Whatever happens, Cheers Zizou, you're a winner!
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Yes, I'm fooled
Twenty years ago, a 27-year-old actress entered the sanctum sanctorium of the Sabarimala temple and touched the feet of Lord Aiyappa, one of the many bachelor Gods in the Hindu pantheon. Women under 50 are not allowed to visit Sabarimala - Lord Aiyappa has personally given strict orders to the fossilized temple priests at Sabarimala that his bachelorhood is in grave danger if a woman under 50 enters his premises - who knows, she might marry Him. Anyway, this woman entered - how dare she - she just materialized out of thin air, got into the sanctum sanctorium, and she touched the idol. That's the only way she could've got past the oh-so-holy fossil who is oh-so-faithfully guarding his Lord. She touched the idol's feet! Blasphemy! At least blasphemy if you did all this without greasing the palms of the fossil who's guarding his Lord. Not blasphemy if fossil sells tradition for money.
The fossils in Sabarimala and some fellow who calls him the "Devaswom" minister in the Kerala cabinet are baying for this actress's blood now - 20 years later. Like the Queen in "Alice in Wonderland" who keeps screaming "Off with her head." How did all this come to light? Because another fossil (in the guise of an astrologer) claimed publicly that Lord Aiyappa is hopping mad that someone has contaminated His aura and He needs to be cleansed (by the fossils who guard and protect Him from things like His devotees). This someone is either a non-Brahmin or a woman - again, this was personally whispered by Lord Aiyappa in the fossil astrologer's ears - all these guys are so holy (and so fossilized) that they have a direct hotline to the Lord...and when they don't they can read His mind.
When the actress heard about this, she confessed her "sin" to the Sabarimala fossils and also faxed an apology (Lord Aiyappa rocks, man. He'd rather have a faxed apology than someone rolling around His premises beating their chest and making asses of themselves begging for His forgiveness. A fax is neat and simple). The fossils assured her that her apology will be accepted by the rocking Lord Aiyappa and her "confession" will be kept confidential.
But you know how irresistible the media can be. Especially if you have one foot in the grave and the other in your mouth. So now we have a raging controversy. Of course, every other problem in Sabarimala has been solved. They just have to get this actress's blood for the "sin" she committed 2 decades ago, and lo and behold! Sabarimala will become...well, God's Own Country.
Lord Aiyappa definitely needs a holy bath to cleanse Him. Cleanse Him from who's touch? That's debatable.
Scream loudly about other people's sins and no one will notice your own. Nice try. Works sometimes.
The fossils in Sabarimala and some fellow who calls him the "Devaswom" minister in the Kerala cabinet are baying for this actress's blood now - 20 years later. Like the Queen in "Alice in Wonderland" who keeps screaming "Off with her head." How did all this come to light? Because another fossil (in the guise of an astrologer) claimed publicly that Lord Aiyappa is hopping mad that someone has contaminated His aura and He needs to be cleansed (by the fossils who guard and protect Him from things like His devotees). This someone is either a non-Brahmin or a woman - again, this was personally whispered by Lord Aiyappa in the fossil astrologer's ears - all these guys are so holy (and so fossilized) that they have a direct hotline to the Lord...and when they don't they can read His mind.
When the actress heard about this, she confessed her "sin" to the Sabarimala fossils and also faxed an apology (Lord Aiyappa rocks, man. He'd rather have a faxed apology than someone rolling around His premises beating their chest and making asses of themselves begging for His forgiveness. A fax is neat and simple). The fossils assured her that her apology will be accepted by the rocking Lord Aiyappa and her "confession" will be kept confidential.
But you know how irresistible the media can be. Especially if you have one foot in the grave and the other in your mouth. So now we have a raging controversy. Of course, every other problem in Sabarimala has been solved. They just have to get this actress's blood for the "sin" she committed 2 decades ago, and lo and behold! Sabarimala will become...well, God's Own Country.
Lord Aiyappa definitely needs a holy bath to cleanse Him. Cleanse Him from who's touch? That's debatable.
Scream loudly about other people's sins and no one will notice your own. Nice try. Works sometimes.
The myth of fact
In the June 28, 2006, edition of the Deccan Herald, the story titled "US House Panel okays N-Bill", there is a sentence that reads: "The 50-member House International Relations Committee approved by vote of 37 to 5 the legislation designed to make exemptions in the 1954 Atomic Energy Act to enable the US to sell nuclear fuel and technology in return for non-proliferation..."
In the June 28, 2006, edition of The New Indian Express, in the story titled "For nuke deal, India need not sign NPT", there is a sentence that reads: "The amendment to the Bill which seeks exemptions to Atomic Energy Act 1954 to enable US to sell nuclear fuel and technology in return for non-proliferation...(was) defeated in the 50-member House International Relations Committee..."
These are 2 leading newspapers in India. I'm a lay person, but I've been following this India-US nuke deal closely in an effort to understand if Manmohan Singh has grown a backbone of late and I can't decide if he has or he hasn't because these 2 newspapers give me 2 different versions of news. What am I to believe? I have no first-hand information about any of this. I depend entirely on the media to give me "facts" - I didn't watch the news on TV on June 28 to know what THEY were saying - but what's the difference? This already confusing story that I'm trying so hard to keep pace with just got incomprehensible. Have the amendments been approved or defeated? Depends on which newspaper you read, apparently.
What is fact? Fact is what the newspaper you subscribe to tells you.
Moral of Story: Read only one newspaper.
In the June 28, 2006, edition of The New Indian Express, in the story titled "For nuke deal, India need not sign NPT", there is a sentence that reads: "The amendment to the Bill which seeks exemptions to Atomic Energy Act 1954 to enable US to sell nuclear fuel and technology in return for non-proliferation...(was) defeated in the 50-member House International Relations Committee..."
These are 2 leading newspapers in India. I'm a lay person, but I've been following this India-US nuke deal closely in an effort to understand if Manmohan Singh has grown a backbone of late and I can't decide if he has or he hasn't because these 2 newspapers give me 2 different versions of news. What am I to believe? I have no first-hand information about any of this. I depend entirely on the media to give me "facts" - I didn't watch the news on TV on June 28 to know what THEY were saying - but what's the difference? This already confusing story that I'm trying so hard to keep pace with just got incomprehensible. Have the amendments been approved or defeated? Depends on which newspaper you read, apparently.
What is fact? Fact is what the newspaper you subscribe to tells you.
Moral of Story: Read only one newspaper.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Jerold
There was once a man named Jerold
The pessimistic bachelor he was called
For though he had not a care
When asked to let down his hair
He groaned, "If only I wasn't so totally bald..."
The pessimistic bachelor he was called
For though he had not a care
When asked to let down his hair
He groaned, "If only I wasn't so totally bald..."
Sunday, June 18, 2006
10 things you must know if you're a road user in Bangalore
#1. Zebra crossings are for zebras. People will cross 1 cm in front of whatever you're driving.
#2. Autorickshaws are 3 wheelers whose sole purpose of existence is to get in your way.
#3. All cyclists suffer from bipolar disorder. In their manic phase, they will chase buses. In their depressive phase, they will suddenly get off the cycle, carry it, and walk.
#4. When you see a bus in your rearview mirror, pray.
#5. When you see a pothole in front of you, honk - it might move.
#6. Do not swear. Share. You have as much right to the road as the holy cow.
#7. The light will always turn red when you're approaching it at 80 km/h.
#8. A truck's brake will only work after it has hit the object in front of it.
#9. Always tank up. The road you took to work in the morning will turn one-way by the time you return in the evening.
#10. Do not mess with traffic cops. They are from Mars.
#2. Autorickshaws are 3 wheelers whose sole purpose of existence is to get in your way.
#3. All cyclists suffer from bipolar disorder. In their manic phase, they will chase buses. In their depressive phase, they will suddenly get off the cycle, carry it, and walk.
#4. When you see a bus in your rearview mirror, pray.
#5. When you see a pothole in front of you, honk - it might move.
#6. Do not swear. Share. You have as much right to the road as the holy cow.
#7. The light will always turn red when you're approaching it at 80 km/h.
#8. A truck's brake will only work after it has hit the object in front of it.
#9. Always tank up. The road you took to work in the morning will turn one-way by the time you return in the evening.
#10. Do not mess with traffic cops. They are from Mars.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, I salute you
There are 2 reasons bullies get away with bullying: 1. Others let themselves be bullied. 2. Few people can stoop to and stay at the level of an imbecile bully. Both of these are reasons why a psychopath like George Bush can get into a country by deceit, falsehood, and delusions of grandeur, have his bluff called by the whole world, get licked beyond
being able to lick his wounds, and still keep insisting "we're winning" - of course, he's winning - the question is - what exactly is he winning? If he's counting bodies, he's the undisputed king; there's no competition anywhere in the vicinity.
That's why I salute Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, the spunky Iranian President. To me, his defiance of the US President asks the one question that has remained unanswered in the raging debate over Iran's uranium-enrichment policy: Who the hell is Bush to tell Iran what to do? Or for that matter, to tell anyone what to do? Where are the WMDs in Iraq? Where is Osama bin Laden? The answer to these questions is painfully simple: the Iraq war is neither about Saddam Hussein nor about WMDs and the Iranian confrontation is not about uranium enrichment for nuclear purposes which Iran has denied; Iran continues to contend that they're enriching uranium only for civilian energy but if pushed to the wall, they can and will hit back. Seymour Hersh writes in the April 17th (2006) New Yorker: “This is much more than a nuclear issue,” one high-ranking diplomat told me in Vienna. “That’s just a rallying point, and there is still time to fix it. But the Administration believes it cannot be fixed unless they control the hearts and minds of Iran. The real issue is who is going to control the Middle East and its oil in the next ten years.” Now, we're talking.
Bush's foreign policy is an artwork in double standards. His armed forces' human right records are the talk of the globe and these champions of democracy go around setting other people's houses in order. America has befriended some of the world's most repressive regimes when it suits her economic interests. The Americans have created every single Frankenstein from Latin America to the Middle East and then hunted them down with mission accomplished. And they preach to the world about democracy.
America is not answerable to the world that questions its right to run a Guantanamo Bay and an Abu Ghraib from where hundreds of stories continue to pour out every day of people being detained with no charges against them for years on end, of abuse, and of the most degrading treatment man has ever meted out to fellowmen. In the latest revelation, American troops have slaughtered innocent women and children in Haditha in cold blood knowing very well they were civilians, but America's holier-than-thou men and women in uniform, half of who are returning in coffins from their "baby's day out" adventure, will take it as their God-given right to bomb a country, dethrone it's elected President (in the name of Democracy!), and drag him into a trial on charges of human rights violations, among other things! Bush is of course God. And America still claims the right to pre-emptive action in Iran - even after the whole world has seen that his lies and deceit have caused more damage than Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden put together could've hoped to manage in 20 lifetimes.
The problem with America in general and Bush in particular is that they're incredibly ignorant and self-absorbed. America is the world's spoilt brat that demands instant gratification of all its needs regardless of how much it inconveniences its neighbours. As a race, they're brought up on the "I want it and I want it now" principle - even if what they want doesn't rightfully belong to them. America is not the world's policeman -it's the world's pettiest thief. Even the acknowledged saner voices in their population like Thomas Friedman talks about the "sacrifice" of America's young soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. Friedman (Asian Age, June 1, 2006) is outraged with GM because they're offering fuel sops to their clients who will buy a select range of their products. He feels (rightly) that GM is encouraging its customers selfish splurging of fuel when the need of the hour is to conserve it or be prepared to pay higher prices for it. He thinks paying higher prices for fuel is one way of showing his solidarity with his American boys an girls who're bravely "sacrificing" their lives to keep the American flag fluttering on Saddam Hussein's palace. Their sense of self-righteousness and their "with us or against us" rhetoric have pushed the world to the brink of war, but they refuse to see themselves as the problem. In their eyes, America is always the solution even if they're currently the world's greatest jokers with a laughingstock for a President.
The Americans have no knowledge or understanding of other cultures, languages, and what goes on outside America. In fact, they don't even KNOW there's a world outside their own. 60% of American high school graduates can't find Iraq on the world map; forget Iraq, 50% can't even find New York State. That's how myopic and self-absorbed they are. To them, what is good for America should be - had better be - good for the rest of the world. If you don't like it, they'll ram it down your throat. Thank God, the world has people like Ahmedinejad who's throat is a lot more sturdy than, say Manhmohan Singh's.
Day after day, the Iranian President is on people's TV screens around the world exposing and defying the dangerous combination of arrogance and ignorance that Bush is. When the Iranian President offered to come to the table for talks, the ignoramus naturally backed off. Bush doesn't want to talk. Seymour Hersh in The New Yorker (April 17, 2006) "Some operations, apparently aimed in part at intimidating Iran, are already under way. American Naval tactical aircraft, operating from carriers in the Arabian Sea, have been flying simulated nuclear-weapons delivery missions—rapid ascending maneuvers known as “over the shoulder” bombing—since last summer, (a) former official said, within range of Iranian coastal radars."
The other reality is of course, Bush can't talk. Today, the US President cannot match wits with any leader in the world - except of course maybe Blair, the second-in-line dimwit.
being able to lick his wounds, and still keep insisting "we're winning" - of course, he's winning - the question is - what exactly is he winning? If he's counting bodies, he's the undisputed king; there's no competition anywhere in the vicinity.
That's why I salute Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, the spunky Iranian President. To me, his defiance of the US President asks the one question that has remained unanswered in the raging debate over Iran's uranium-enrichment policy: Who the hell is Bush to tell Iran what to do? Or for that matter, to tell anyone what to do? Where are the WMDs in Iraq? Where is Osama bin Laden? The answer to these questions is painfully simple: the Iraq war is neither about Saddam Hussein nor about WMDs and the Iranian confrontation is not about uranium enrichment for nuclear purposes which Iran has denied; Iran continues to contend that they're enriching uranium only for civilian energy but if pushed to the wall, they can and will hit back. Seymour Hersh writes in the April 17th (2006) New Yorker: “This is much more than a nuclear issue,” one high-ranking diplomat told me in Vienna. “That’s just a rallying point, and there is still time to fix it. But the Administration believes it cannot be fixed unless they control the hearts and minds of Iran. The real issue is who is going to control the Middle East and its oil in the next ten years.” Now, we're talking.
Bush's foreign policy is an artwork in double standards. His armed forces' human right records are the talk of the globe and these champions of democracy go around setting other people's houses in order. America has befriended some of the world's most repressive regimes when it suits her economic interests. The Americans have created every single Frankenstein from Latin America to the Middle East and then hunted them down with mission accomplished. And they preach to the world about democracy.
America is not answerable to the world that questions its right to run a Guantanamo Bay and an Abu Ghraib from where hundreds of stories continue to pour out every day of people being detained with no charges against them for years on end, of abuse, and of the most degrading treatment man has ever meted out to fellowmen. In the latest revelation, American troops have slaughtered innocent women and children in Haditha in cold blood knowing very well they were civilians, but America's holier-than-thou men and women in uniform, half of who are returning in coffins from their "baby's day out" adventure, will take it as their God-given right to bomb a country, dethrone it's elected President (in the name of Democracy!), and drag him into a trial on charges of human rights violations, among other things! Bush is of course God. And America still claims the right to pre-emptive action in Iran - even after the whole world has seen that his lies and deceit have caused more damage than Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden put together could've hoped to manage in 20 lifetimes.
The problem with America in general and Bush in particular is that they're incredibly ignorant and self-absorbed. America is the world's spoilt brat that demands instant gratification of all its needs regardless of how much it inconveniences its neighbours. As a race, they're brought up on the "I want it and I want it now" principle - even if what they want doesn't rightfully belong to them. America is not the world's policeman -it's the world's pettiest thief. Even the acknowledged saner voices in their population like Thomas Friedman talks about the "sacrifice" of America's young soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. Friedman (Asian Age, June 1, 2006) is outraged with GM because they're offering fuel sops to their clients who will buy a select range of their products. He feels (rightly) that GM is encouraging its customers selfish splurging of fuel when the need of the hour is to conserve it or be prepared to pay higher prices for it. He thinks paying higher prices for fuel is one way of showing his solidarity with his American boys an girls who're bravely "sacrificing" their lives to keep the American flag fluttering on Saddam Hussein's palace. Their sense of self-righteousness and their "with us or against us" rhetoric have pushed the world to the brink of war, but they refuse to see themselves as the problem. In their eyes, America is always the solution even if they're currently the world's greatest jokers with a laughingstock for a President.
The Americans have no knowledge or understanding of other cultures, languages, and what goes on outside America. In fact, they don't even KNOW there's a world outside their own. 60% of American high school graduates can't find Iraq on the world map; forget Iraq, 50% can't even find New York State. That's how myopic and self-absorbed they are. To them, what is good for America should be - had better be - good for the rest of the world. If you don't like it, they'll ram it down your throat. Thank God, the world has people like Ahmedinejad who's throat is a lot more sturdy than, say Manhmohan Singh's.
Day after day, the Iranian President is on people's TV screens around the world exposing and defying the dangerous combination of arrogance and ignorance that Bush is. When the Iranian President offered to come to the table for talks, the ignoramus naturally backed off. Bush doesn't want to talk. Seymour Hersh in The New Yorker (April 17, 2006) "Some operations, apparently aimed in part at intimidating Iran, are already under way. American Naval tactical aircraft, operating from carriers in the Arabian Sea, have been flying simulated nuclear-weapons delivery missions—rapid ascending maneuvers known as “over the shoulder” bombing—since last summer, (a) former official said, within range of Iranian coastal radars."
The other reality is of course, Bush can't talk. Today, the US President cannot match wits with any leader in the world - except of course maybe Blair, the second-in-line dimwit.
Hersh in The New Yorker: "In a recent essay on the Foreign Policy Web site, entitled “Fool Me Twice,” Joseph Cirincione, the director for nonproliferation at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, wrote, "The unfolding administration strategy appears to be an effort to repeat its successful campaign for the Iraq war.” He noted several parallels: 'The vice president of the United States gives a major speech focused on the threat from an oil-rich nation in the Middle East. The U.S. Secretary of State tells Congress that the same nation is our most serious global challenge. The Secretary of Defense calls that nation the leading supporter of global terrorism.'
Cirincione called some of the Administration’s claims about Iran “questionable” or lacking in evidence. When I spoke to him, he asked, “What do we know? What is the threat? The question is: How urgent is all this?” The answer, he said, “is in the intelligence community and the I.A.E.A.”"
Economically too, America has managed to thrive as a world leader because the Americans have done a splendid job of spreading capitalism and bringing wealth to economies around the world by simply obliterating traditional professions and bulldozing their way into economies while firmly clamping down protectionism policies on their own domestic markets. In their defence, the Americans are generally respectful towards merit. And they're prepared to woo and pamper you to the hilt if they think you have what they want. Once they've pumped billions of dollars into a foreign economy, they'll start re-writing your nuclear policy like they've done with us. It of course helps a lot to have a PM who doesn't know what a backbone is. To him, some white skin will do to bow and scrape - Soniaji or Bushji - they're all the same. Thank God, we're not an oil-rich nation with Manhoman Singh as our PM. Thank God for China and Thank God for Japan.
And Thank God most of all for Ahmedinejad. Till now, Castro was the lone-ranger rebel, but Cuba is treated more as an irritant than a real threat by America. What about Iran? Iran is a great friend to have and a deadly enemy to deal with. Iran to me epitomizes self-respect. The difference between America and Iran is that Iranians are "prepared to die" for what they believe in; Americans are not; they're only prepared to kill others so they can live exactly like they want in an enviroment that is conducive only to America's growth. The US President must now decide whether he can afford an enemy like Iran or would he rather have Ahmedinejad as a friend, but really, that's overestimating his decision-making capabilities.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
You're Invited
Lucky you! I flunked the Account Lead Psychometry...again! Your accounts are now safe. Anyway, that's enough about me. If YOU want to take it up sometime in the future, I've designed this forerunner.....so, you're invited to take the Mock Psychometry to prepare you for the real thing.
It's in 3 parts: Analytical skills, Numerical skills, and English.
Part I - Analytical Skills
1. Peter is Jane's husband's brother's nephew's grandfather.
Jill is Peter's wife's aunt's sister's step-mother (who is Jane, a.k.a. Cinderella's step-mom)
Question: a) Who is Peter to Jill?
b)More importantly, who are you to any of them?
2. Some mice are cats. All cats are donkeys. Therefore:
a) Cats are donkeys with Down's syndrome.
b) We have a strange menagerie here.
c) Mice are people too.
Think, you dunce. If you don't answer these, you'll never know when, for example, NEBMED is slipping out of TAT and you need to add more people on it.
Part II - Numerical Skills
1. A frog is in a 300-foot deep, 40-foot wide well and he's trying to get out. He jumps up 5 inches in an hour and slips back 1 foot. He started doing this in the 19th century. Question: How old will you be when the frog (or his fossil) gets out?
2. X bought a bike for Rs. 800 inclusive of 20% sales tax. He rode it for 45 days at 40 km per hour, 100 km a day. Calculate:
a) How much gas will he need to get himself to the moon on his bike?
b) How many days will he take? Convert to hours.
c) What percentage of his life will he spend doing this? Draw a graph.
d) How much money will he need? In paise and cents only.
Solve this to fine-tune your time zone calculations which will enable you to time your escape when the stats start popping.
Part III - English
1. Grammar:
a) I is fine.
b) What is the singular of mouses?
Question: Are this correct? (brownie points for "singular of mouses")
2. Punctuate correctly: How many legs do a cow have!!!
3. Subject-Verb Agreement:
Why is it wrong to say "I am dead tomorrow"?
a) Because I are still alive tomorrow.
b) Because I is dead yesterday itself.
c) Nothing's wrong - rest in peace.
d) Because I'm going to kill you NOW.
This section will help you communicate better with the Yanks.
About the Test
The psychometry is designed to help determine whether you're good at managing people, your time, and yourself. It's not an IQ test (though the last time I flunked, the testing personnel came all the way to the office to tell me I have the creative intelligence of a retard ant). Go for it, you have nothing to lose except your ego, but that's nothing a good night's sleep (and a shot of cocaine) can't fix.
It's in 3 parts: Analytical skills, Numerical skills, and English.
Part I - Analytical Skills
1. Peter is Jane's husband's brother's nephew's grandfather.
Jill is Peter's wife's aunt's sister's step-mother (who is Jane, a.k.a. Cinderella's step-mom)
Question: a) Who is Peter to Jill?
b)More importantly, who are you to any of them?
2. Some mice are cats. All cats are donkeys. Therefore:
a) Cats are donkeys with Down's syndrome.
b) We have a strange menagerie here.
c) Mice are people too.
Think, you dunce. If you don't answer these, you'll never know when, for example, NEBMED is slipping out of TAT and you need to add more people on it.
Part II - Numerical Skills
1. A frog is in a 300-foot deep, 40-foot wide well and he's trying to get out. He jumps up 5 inches in an hour and slips back 1 foot. He started doing this in the 19th century. Question: How old will you be when the frog (or his fossil) gets out?
2. X bought a bike for Rs. 800 inclusive of 20% sales tax. He rode it for 45 days at 40 km per hour, 100 km a day. Calculate:
a) How much gas will he need to get himself to the moon on his bike?
b) How many days will he take? Convert to hours.
c) What percentage of his life will he spend doing this? Draw a graph.
d) How much money will he need? In paise and cents only.
Solve this to fine-tune your time zone calculations which will enable you to time your escape when the stats start popping.
Part III - English
1. Grammar:
a) I is fine.
b) What is the singular of mouses?
Question: Are this correct? (brownie points for "singular of mouses")
2. Punctuate correctly: How many legs do a cow have!!!
3. Subject-Verb Agreement:
Why is it wrong to say "I am dead tomorrow"?
a) Because I are still alive tomorrow.
b) Because I is dead yesterday itself.
c) Nothing's wrong - rest in peace.
d) Because I'm going to kill you NOW.
This section will help you communicate better with the Yanks.
About the Test
The psychometry is designed to help determine whether you're good at managing people, your time, and yourself. It's not an IQ test (though the last time I flunked, the testing personnel came all the way to the office to tell me I have the creative intelligence of a retard ant). Go for it, you have nothing to lose except your ego, but that's nothing a good night's sleep (and a shot of cocaine) can't fix.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Rajkumar and Ramanna
Fourteen years ago, when we moved into the house we're currently staying in, Ramanna was a pushcart vendor from whom we bought vegetables like everyone else on the street. Through the decade, as things that I never dreamed of became accessible to us, Ramanna became a choice we could eliminate. In 14 years, a lot has changed for us. Our lifestyle has definitely improved, we have choice - with everything. Nothing has changed for Ramanna. He's still a pushcart vendor (with fewer customers) and he's not very hopeful of giving a better life to his children - something that every parent yearns to do. The years sit heavily on Ramanna.
A mob vandalized a Sweet Chariot outlet near my house when Rajkumar died. I wonder if Ramanna's son was part of that mob. He was a Rajkumar fan.
I'm trying very hard to convince myself that if he did it, it was out of senseless grief for his hero - how senseless is this violence, I tell myself very loudly; just like the lakhs of unemployed youth in this city's underbelly who see no hope in their future, came out on the streets and for 2days held that face of the city hostage, which usually keeps this face of the city firmly tucked behind its glamour.
But Guilt is a tough customer - it refuses to be convinced.
A mob vandalized a Sweet Chariot outlet near my house when Rajkumar died. I wonder if Ramanna's son was part of that mob. He was a Rajkumar fan.
I'm trying very hard to convince myself that if he did it, it was out of senseless grief for his hero - how senseless is this violence, I tell myself very loudly; just like the lakhs of unemployed youth in this city's underbelly who see no hope in their future, came out on the streets and for 2days held that face of the city hostage, which usually keeps this face of the city firmly tucked behind its glamour.
But Guilt is a tough customer - it refuses to be convinced.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
At what cost?
One thing that the technology revolution in communication has done is to give everyone access to everyone else's mind. To me, that's one of the greatest achievements in mankind's history. We hear so much about the "global village" (which is now somewhat of a dated cliche -it's given way to Thomas Friedman's "the world is flat"), but most of that talk addresses the tangible - there are more things to buy, there are more things to do in your leisure, there are more places you can afford to see, but I think the real revolution is this intangible - there are more minds to know and only a mind can spark an idea.
We know now, especially here in India that with the right education and opportunity, our talent can compete with the best in the world. It's become possible to know this because every new industry or trade that has been brought into India from the West has sourced local employment to run their profitable outfits. Now, we're being respected - for our minds, for our merit. That's a very hard-won respect - it's easy to respect wealth, it's easy to respect fame, it's very very easy to respect good looks - but to have none of all this and to earn respect through sheer merit is very tough and it's something that we can take great pride in.
For a country that has spent a large amount of time watching from the sidelines and cheering only timidly and rarely, a ringside view can be a heady experience, and if you're actually getting into the ring itself...well, you can't be woozy on your feet for one thing. You cannot also ever afford to take your eyes off, for to do that is to regress which is not only stupid but also dangerous.
That's exactly what we're doing by even entertaining the thought of reservation based on caste. When you begin to even think that quality just maybe tweaked a bit, that's when you're staring danger in the face. The IIMs and IITs are India's face in the world's economy. These institutions' products have got a foot in the door of the global economy. Admission into these institutes on any grounds other than merit will ensure that the door is slammed on India's face....and foot.
The caste system is India's shame. It's also India's reality. Historically, the upper castes had access to a world that was denied to their counterparts in the lower rungs of the caste heirarchy which led to class hatred and kept some sections perpetually in the fringes. It's noble to try and correct that injustice. Reservation, however, is definitely not the solution. The caste system is a social issue - it cannot and must never be allowed into the country's econonmic chapter; by dragging our social dirty linen into a flat world, all we can hope to accomplish is to turn the spotlight on our shame.
The administration's business is to provide cheap or free education and scholarships to all these sections of society - good quality education, but nothing more. Everything else should be achieved solely on merit. Everyone should be allowed to compete and must be made capable of competing - it's the only way a nation can progress, by never ever letting merit take the back seat to anything. When we accommodate people based not on merit but on caste, are we not giving federal sanction to the caste system? What happens to such people? They will not only earn the wrath and hatred of thier fellowmen, they will also never be able to respect themselves - it's demeaning to a human being to tell him that he's unfit to compete with the best, so he's being patronized. It's not helping the individual, the institution, or the nation. What happens to merit itself? Nothing can kill a man's spirit faster than knowing that his mind, no matter how brilliant it is, is not respected.
A brilliant mind without takers is a dangerous mind. If it is allowed to roam free in a society that doesn't respect it, it will gravitate towards other like-minded rejected brilliance; if its fire is greater than its despair, it will find a way to work within the system or if it can so afford, will leave the system and go wherever its spirit can be restored; if its despair is greater than its fire, it will wreak havoc in the society that has caged and denied it - and a genius's havoc cannot be undone by the mediocre to which it has been forced to bow.
We know now, especially here in India that with the right education and opportunity, our talent can compete with the best in the world. It's become possible to know this because every new industry or trade that has been brought into India from the West has sourced local employment to run their profitable outfits. Now, we're being respected - for our minds, for our merit. That's a very hard-won respect - it's easy to respect wealth, it's easy to respect fame, it's very very easy to respect good looks - but to have none of all this and to earn respect through sheer merit is very tough and it's something that we can take great pride in.
For a country that has spent a large amount of time watching from the sidelines and cheering only timidly and rarely, a ringside view can be a heady experience, and if you're actually getting into the ring itself...well, you can't be woozy on your feet for one thing. You cannot also ever afford to take your eyes off, for to do that is to regress which is not only stupid but also dangerous.
That's exactly what we're doing by even entertaining the thought of reservation based on caste. When you begin to even think that quality just maybe tweaked a bit, that's when you're staring danger in the face. The IIMs and IITs are India's face in the world's economy. These institutions' products have got a foot in the door of the global economy. Admission into these institutes on any grounds other than merit will ensure that the door is slammed on India's face....and foot.
The caste system is India's shame. It's also India's reality. Historically, the upper castes had access to a world that was denied to their counterparts in the lower rungs of the caste heirarchy which led to class hatred and kept some sections perpetually in the fringes. It's noble to try and correct that injustice. Reservation, however, is definitely not the solution. The caste system is a social issue - it cannot and must never be allowed into the country's econonmic chapter; by dragging our social dirty linen into a flat world, all we can hope to accomplish is to turn the spotlight on our shame.
The administration's business is to provide cheap or free education and scholarships to all these sections of society - good quality education, but nothing more. Everything else should be achieved solely on merit. Everyone should be allowed to compete and must be made capable of competing - it's the only way a nation can progress, by never ever letting merit take the back seat to anything. When we accommodate people based not on merit but on caste, are we not giving federal sanction to the caste system? What happens to such people? They will not only earn the wrath and hatred of thier fellowmen, they will also never be able to respect themselves - it's demeaning to a human being to tell him that he's unfit to compete with the best, so he's being patronized. It's not helping the individual, the institution, or the nation. What happens to merit itself? Nothing can kill a man's spirit faster than knowing that his mind, no matter how brilliant it is, is not respected.
A brilliant mind without takers is a dangerous mind. If it is allowed to roam free in a society that doesn't respect it, it will gravitate towards other like-minded rejected brilliance; if its fire is greater than its despair, it will find a way to work within the system or if it can so afford, will leave the system and go wherever its spirit can be restored; if its despair is greater than its fire, it will wreak havoc in the society that has caged and denied it - and a genius's havoc cannot be undone by the mediocre to which it has been forced to bow.
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